Page 7 of Please Be Mine

february 10, 2025

Jake,

My heart and my head are doing very different things in this moment, and I’m not sure which one to listen to.

My head says no. I’m scared, Jake. I’m scared to open myself up. Worse, I’m scared of opening myself to someone who I already love very much.

In my years of moving around, going to California for college and now to a new town in Massachusetts, I’ve learned that there are certain people you cross paths with who mattered profoundly in a certain season but aren’t meant to live out the rest with you. I’ve come to terms with those soft goodbyes, not hearing from people again and trying to be okay with that.

Then there are the people who stick with you, who are in your life no matter what. We might have not talked in six years, but Jake, I’ve always put you in that category. You are one of my people. You have always listened, sometimes with this deep intensity that really made me feel heard. You laughed at all of my jokes, smiled and cheered me on through my achievements. Do you remember senior night? When I received that musical achievement award out of the blue? Your cheer was the loudest in the auditorium. I still think about that.

I’m scared that if I say yes, that I will lose this. I don’t want to lose you, Jake.

But…my heart does want to say yes. I can’t stop feeling the way I’m feeling. I have spent so much time thinking about the boy I used to know, and puzzling him together with the man I’m getting to know. The man in this picture who has grown to be so undeniably handsome. I feel myself falling, and I’m frightened wondering if it would ruin everything.

Jake, what if it ruins everything? What would we do?

Shelly

february 12, 2025

My Shelly,

I know you’re scared, because I am, too. But, Shelly, you will never, ever lose me. I’ll always be here. Whatever happens, whatever you need, I’ll be there for you. You have been there for me, and these six years of silence have made me realize that I never want a moment without you in my life. If friendship is what makes you happy, then I’ll be the best friend you ever had. If something more will make you happy, then I am all yours.

I have to actively remind myself as I write this that being with you would be a very good thing, because there is a part of me that wants to shut it all down. That voice in my head is telling me that I don’t deserve this…especially not someone as sweet and loving and drop dead gorgeous as Shelly Carson.

But you reminded me that it’s okay to want things, to smile and laugh and be happy, even when darkness looms in the shadows. To stay on the chessboard of life, as you put it.

If we meet and realize there’s nothing there, at least we tried, and at least we’ll know. Or…what if we find out that we’ve been wasting precious time?

It may ruin everything. You’re right, we’re stepping into something that is completely new. But…Shelly, doesn’t it also feel like we’re stepping into something right? Something that maybe should have happened long ago?

Please think about it.

Please let yourself be happy.

Please be mine.

Yours, for as long as you’ll have me,

Jakey Jake

shelly

Please be mine.

The words ran through Shelly’s mind like a ticker tape. Even as she stood on stage, baton in hand, conducting students through a three-quarter time signature, her mind was on what Jake wrote.

She held her hand out to the saxophones, waiting for the crescendo that would lead the band into the last quarter of the song. They’d rehearsed this part tirelessly over the past month, and throughout every practice, she caught herself thinking about how Jake would have been able to nail it. Then she would cut out all thoughts of him, because it was Jake after all, and she was being ridiculous.

Shelly lifted her hand higher and higher, signaling the saxophones to crescendo along with her movements. The six of them played through it with practiced ease, putting a smile on her face. The lights were hot on her neck as sweat pooled down the back of her black dress, her toes pinching inside of her heels. But she continued through the song with a smile on her face, watching the way her students lit up, all realizing that they finally did it. That drilling that part over and over paid off.

She held out her left hand, flicking her baton in the other as the song drew to a close, and then swiveled both hands in a circle. The auditorium was silent as she kept them raised in the air. She grinned at her students, and they grinned back. Then she let her arms down by her sides, and the audience erupted.

“Oh my god, Miss C, that was so freaking cool.”

“The way we stopped playing, it was so clean! So perfect!”