Page 92 of All In: The Price We Pay

He nods. “I get it. And I believe you, and I’m with you. No matter what you decide. But we have to talk about this.”

Relief makes my shoulders slump. “Absolutely. Thanks.”

“But that doesn’t mean I’ll tolerate rude behavior.”

I pull him toward me. “You shouldn’t have to. But I’ll make sure you don’t have to tell me off and that I don’t go overboard again.”

“Do that.” He peers at me through narrowed eyes.

“What now?” I run my fingers restlessly over his arms.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Parker asks.

I tilt my head thoughtfully. “Let’s chill, yeah.”

He grins widely at me. “Let’s chill. Want to watch a show instead?”

“Hmm . . . ” I pull him toward me and kiss him. Finally, I lean back slightly. An endless sense of gratitude fills me. Even arguing is okay with Parker. We both have a common goal: we want to be together.

It’s the first feeling in my life that balances out the urge to play hockey, bringing it into equilibrium. It’s no longer just that unattainable longing inside me. Parker’s warmth and closeness feed me with the certainty that a life after my career is possible and that it can be filled with joy.

I’ll be eternally grateful to hockey for what it’s given me, but for the first time, I can believe that I don’t have to give myself up completely for it. That a life outside of hockey can be worth living, and that shame won’t be something that haunts me forever.

“I can’t wait for our vacation. This year, next year. All the vacations we’ll have.” Parker comes toward me for a kiss. “The joy of having you here is . . . I can’t even tell you.”

“Same,” he whispers against my lips.

Everything I could ever wish for is right at my fingertips, within reach.

Chapter 22 – Parker

I’ll pick you up.

After his bad mood these past few days, I wasn’t expecting this.

Evan has apologized countless times, but I didn’t think he’d follow through on his words.

I’m as excited as a schoolkid. My crush has promised to meet up with me.

They’re little things, but I can see how hard Evan is trying to create a normal life for us. But life during the season isn’t normal. Ever.

I know that.

The fact that New York only barely won the first playoff round against the Wildcard team from Ottawa doesn’t exactly lift the mood.

After all the problems leading up to the playoffs, they’d secured the top spot in the league and, with it, what was supposed to be an easier opponent. Apparently, only the Wildcard team didn’t know that.

Evan broke his record and is the all-time leading goal- and point-scorer in the playoffs.

But even that doesn’t comfort him. Everything he achieves is already overshadowed by the next goal. It’s never enough.

I want to shout back at him, “You’re enough. You’re everything to me.”

But of course, I don’t. It doesn’t do him any good if I tell him that. My attempts to show him what I am not saying out loud lead to mixed results. Sometimes he’s open to it, and we dream of a house together, celebrating with his team and our friends. Sometimes he disappears into his hockey thoughts and doesn’t resurface until days later.

After Game Six and a hard-fought away win, the team is on its way back to New York, and I’ll see Evan again.

“I’ll pick you up.” That comes as a surprise.