Page 48 of All In: The Price We Pay

He arches his back, and I position myself behind him. Carefully, I push the tip of my cock into him.

“Sss . . . ” Parker inhales sharply.

With one hand I’m still holding my cock, and with the other I stroke his back. I wait.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs. I’m not sure if his words reassure me.

I push myself further into him. He’s so tight, so hot. He wraps himself around me like a vise.

Parker thrusts his hips toward me, until I end up almost all the way inside him. “Argh.” He props his head up on the mattress, his hands buried in the sheets.

“Yes?”

“It’s okay,” he repeats. “Move.”

To test it out, I roll my hips, which pushes me even deeper into him.

Parker’s groan isn’t passionate; it sounds as if he’s in pain. “Parker?”

“It’ll be over soon.”

I pull out of him and slip off the condom. Without a word, he sinks onto my bed. “Shit.” He mumbles something unintelligible into my sheets. With a slight movement, he turns his head and looks at me. “It hurt too much. I don’t know if I . . . ”

“Hey.” I lie down next to him and drape my leg over his. He turns further toward me, so that I can clearly see he’s no longer hard.

“I can get myself ready. We can try again right away.” He’s speaking a bit hurriedly.

“No,” I reply. Sure, I could rationalize it. That it’s just a physical thing. But what makes this situation much more difficult is that I don’t want to hurt Parker. Ever. And obviously, he can’t open up to me tonight. I’m no philosopher, and I don’t want to overanalyze this. But I know one thing for sure: Parker has to be comfortable and safe with me. My heart sinks. Because right now, he clearly isn’t.

He lifts his head and glances at me through narrowed eyes. “No? You don’t want to anymore?”

I run my hands over his arms, down his neck, and kiss him. “I want to be close to you. Let’s do something else. I moved too fast, wanted too much.” That might work in hockey. But not here.

Parker kisses my lips. “No, I wanted it too. I want it. I . . . ”

“It wasn’t good for you,” I summarize. As much as it hurts me, I face the fact head-on.

Parker opens his mouth, starts to say something, and stops. Finally, he shakes his head. “Not today. I’m sorry. I’d made it my goal to relax.”

“No, no.” I pull him toward me by the back of his neck and kiss him. “You don’t have to plan anything. You should only be yourself when you’re with me. Okay?”

He nods hesitantly and smiles. “Yeah, maybe I’ve been too much in my head.”

“I understand. Can I make one wish though?”

He eyes me with a skeptical expression. “You can, but I can’t make any guarantees.”

“Stay. No matter what we end up doing.”

Parker seems surprised. “Ah. Yeah.” He gazes at me over. “That’s what I was hoping for.”

A weight lifts off my shoulders. I don’t want to be without him. At least not today. “Thanks.”

Chapter 12 – Parker

What the hell is wrong with me? With us? I almost never have problems with anal. I came here intending to have fun, and now this. Forcing myself to shut off my thoughts and fears, has never worked before, why should it now?

Evan slides closer to me, pulls my leg higher over his thigh, and strokes my ass. “If I do this?” He runs his finger over my hole, which is now accessible to him again. “Is this okay?”