Page 36 of All In: The Price We Pay

It’s unimaginable that my father would have been okay with me being gay. Still, the “what-if” scenarios keep running through my head.

But the chance is irretrievably lost.

“I don’t think so,” I say.

My sister nods. “It’s hard to imagine. Anyway, I don’t want to miss another chance to talk to you. I’m incredibly proud of you and what you’ve made of yourself. And what you told me on the phone . . . ” She swallows. “Evan, I can’t blame our dead father for the fact that communication between us broke down. That’s entirely my own fault. It’s clear that you couldn’t reach out to any of us. I shut the door on hockey and you. But that was never my intention.”

I poke at a lentil. “Did you think I’d turn out like him?”

She inhales deeply. Exhales. Opens her mouth and closes it again.

With a smile, I point the tip of my fork at her. “I take that as a yes.”

Joni shakes her head. “Not giving you a chance to explain yourself is just as bad as what Dad did.”

“No,” I protest.

Joanne turns back to me. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t tell you how glad I am that we’ve finally had a real talk again after all these years. I don’t want to dwell on the past anymore. Let’s be there for each other from now on.”

I put down my cutlery, push my plate away, and open my arms. She doesn’t even stand up; she lets herself fall forward, and I catch her. “Thank you.”

“There’s absolutely no reason to thank me. That’s the absolute minimum you should expect from your sister.”

Chuckling softly, I let her go. “I try not to have any expectations of anyone.”

“Oh, Evan.” She taps my forehead. “You expect so much from yourself. It’s time you realized that you deserve more, too.” She stands up and stretches. “And now I want to see New York. Do you have some time?”

“Not really. But I have a surprise for you.”

She scrutinizes me with narrowed eyes. “Do you? A good surprise?”

“You’re confusing me with yourself. You’re the one with the bad ideas.”

“Ah. Not at all. Tell me. What is it?”

“Valentina has a press event today and is meeting up with us after.”

Her eyes widen. “You’re kidding me.”

I shake my head. “Nope. She was eager to meet you after I told her I’d come out to you.”

“Oh, wow. We’re totally going to be besties.”

Now I raise my eyebrows and give her what I hope is a warning glare. “Don’t embarrass me.”

“As if.”

I quickly shove the last few cold vegetable noodles into my mouth. “Get ready. On the way there, I’ll tell you how we ended up being paired together.”

Her excitement gives way to a look of understanding on her face. “Will you also tell me what your plans are from here on out? Have you thought about talking to Mom yet?”

Nodding, I clear away my leftovers. “Yeah. I will.”

She follows me and walks over to the fridge. “Are we going to a gay club, too?”

“No.”

“To a gay bar?”