Page 18 of All In: The Price We Pay

He scrutinizes me as if I were speaking a made-up language. “No. Here. At my place.”

“Evan.” I take another step back. “What do you think that was?”

Now he shakes his head in disbelief. “What do you mean? This is my dream situation. The one we’ve always talked about. We can finally be together. You always have a reason to be here. We’ll make something up. Some kind of appointment for the agency. You’ll bring my outfits, healthy food? If we’re seen together, we’ll have an explanation.”

My mouth drops open. I’m speechless.

“Or do you have a partner?” Is that all he can come up with?

“I don’t have a partner. You should know that. I’m not into open relationships. But Evan, we can’t just pick up where we left off eight years ago.”

“Why not? You can’t deny this was amazing to you too. Shit. I’ve always missed you. But it’s only now dawned on me how much.”

“Evan, you’re on your way to a date!” I yell.

“That you arranged for me!” he yells back. “Do you know how hypocritical you are? You accuse me of not coming out. But you make money off situations exactly like mine. Do I get that right, if I go along with this scheme, it’s bad. If you profit from it, it’s good?”

“I’ve never demanded that you come out or that anyone else come out. What I’ve always wanted for you is for you to finally accept yourself, to stand by who you are. But nothing has changed. You let Derek push you around. You’re not at all willing to figure out what you want or need. All you care about is hockey. A damn league that doesn’t care about you. The reason I set you up on dates is that this is the only help you’re willing to accept. But I wanted to be with you. Not in public. But in a place that lets you and me both be.”

He turns away abruptly. “You’re right, nothing has changed. You’ll never accept me.”

“Don’t you dare turn this around as if it was my fault. I’ve accepted you for a long time. But I can’t lie to my closest friends and my family for the rest of my life. And I shouldn’t have to.”

Evan whips around. “For the rest of your life? Half of my active hockey career is already over. We’d only have to keep this up for ten more years at most.”

My shoulders slump. “Ten years? During which no one is allowed to hear a single word about you and me?”

He shakes his head. “That’s dangerous. If one person knows, the news will spread.”

“Evan, how can you live like that? Without trusting anyone? How do you stand the loneliness?”

His gaze pierces me. “I trust you. You alone.” His voice sounds brittle.

A lump forms in my throat. I swallow hard, trying to fight it off. I want to run to him and hug him. Above all, I want to protect him and promise that everything will be alright. But that’s not how it is. “I know that. But how am I supposed to carry that responsibility? It already broke me after only two years.”

My lips tremble and my vision blurs. I’m seconds away from bursting into tears. “Good luck on your date, and say hi to Valentina for me.” I turn on my heel and run out of the apartment.

I quickly check that I have everything. My phone, keys, and wallet. I don’t even search for that damn key card to Evan’s elevator. The outline of his apartment blurs. Fuck. Why does it hurt so much again, as if my heart were being ripped out of my chest?

Chapter 5 – Evan

I’m still shaking. The argument with Parker won’t leave my body. No matter what I do, my thoughts keep circling back to him. How he’s standing in my apartment—completely desperate because he thinks I need more than him. But I don’t. Hockey and Parker.

Why won’t he understand that? Why am I the one to blame again? Can’t he see that we’re much further along than we were eight years ago? Almost half of my career as a professional athlete is over. We don’t have to hide from roommates in college dorms anymore. Everything is much easier.

From the entrance of the restaurant, I can already see Valentina Garcia. We’ve never met in person, but she’s world famous. I recognize her immediately.

The small Italian restaurant looks inviting. It’s not overly crowded. The tables are spaced far apart, this way you aren’t crammed together. Standing on one side and overlooking the whole restaurant is a giant of a man. Probably Valentina’s bodyguard. The decor is simple, consisting of abstract paintings that are perhaps meant to represent Italy.

As I walk toward her table with the waiter, she turns to me and gives me a big grin. She’s undeniably one of the prettiest women Hollywood has to offer. If only someone like her could stir even the slightest bit of attraction in me.

She stands up from the dark wooden table, which is set apart and out of earshot of the nearest guests, and I give her a hug. “I’m so, so sorry. Have you been waiting long? I got held up.” One could say that.

Valentina waves it off. “I haven’t even sat my ass down properly yet. I got here seconds before you.” She’s funny and carefree.

Maybe the evening won’t be a complete disaster after all.

“Still. I feel terrible.”