Page 111 of All In: The Price We Pay

I dial the coach’s number. He picks up right away. “Evan. Man. What’s going on? You’ve never missed a practice or an appointment before. I figured it must be serious, but Blake . . . ”

“Yeah, it’s serious, but I’m okay. Can I come by right now? Are the others still there?”

“Sure, we’re all here. You know, team meeting.”

“Okay. Good. I need to talk to you alone for a moment first, though. I’m on my way.”

“I’ll wait for you in my office.”

My hands are shaking, and my gaze is glued to the back of Coach Denner’s tablet.

“So that’s how it is,” he says quietly.

I nod. “That’s how it is.” Slowly, I lift my head. There’s no reason to be ashamed. I lift my head a bit higher.

“It’s good that you came to see me. Does Blake know?”

I nod again. “Yes.”

“Anyone else?”

I shake my head automatically. “No. Well, my family . . . ”

Now the coach nods. “Okay. Good.” He leans back and sizes me up. Why isn’t he saying anything? “I don’t need to tell you that this is the worst possible time. You know that as well as everyone else.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I can’t predict with 100 percent certainty how the team will react. And I’ll be honest, the club isn’t prepared for this. Off the ice, we can’t help you. The club will do everything it can to make itself appear as good as possible. And I don’t even want to think about the league right now.” He shakes his head. “We’re in the second round of the playoffs. I want that damn Cup, kid.”

“Same here.”

Coach Denner sighs and rests his elbows on the desk. “I guess you were hoping to hear some more encouraging words right now.”

A grin almost crosses my lips, but I’m still too nervous, and I don’t know how this conversation is actually going, nor how it will end. “No. I’m not expecting anything. I just don’t want anyone to walk into a trap.”

He nods. “I’m worried. I can’t help it. But you should know that I don’t want to lose you. You’re too important to this team. Blake’s retirement is only a matter of time. I need you as the backbone. You’ve broken a personal points and goals record and are on the verge of setting a new league record. I’d love to promise you that everyone will do everything they can to make you feel safe and comfortable. But I’m afraid there’s no point in fooling ourselves. Most of the guys are great and won’t have a problem with you coming out. I can’t guarantee that the entire coaching staff shares my view that you should receive everyone’s support. I promise you I’ll do everything in my power to steer this in the right direction.”

I wasn’t expecting that much. What the coach is saying is more than I could ask of him. He’s a good guy, but I didn’t see this level of commitment coming. “That’s fine. I can take care of myself.”

He’s smiling now, which looks strange on his face, since the coach never smiles. It’s almost a grimace—a pitying grimace. “No one gets through something like that alone, kid.” He sighs and gazes at me. “You know . . . ” He shakes his head. “If I ever did anything . . . no, let me rephrase that. I’m sorry that I hurt you with what I said on the ice, in practice, in the locker room, and that I made the whole thing harder for you. I can’t make it up to you now. It’s how I’ve learned to talk on the ice.”

“I know. I’m not blaming you. That’s how it is in hockey. In almost every men’s professional sport. And I don’t want any special treatment in the future. I wanted to come clean so people know why I wasn’t there yesterday and all that. And I can’t pretend it’s some random family member. You guys know my family. If it’s not my mom or my sister, the next round of questions pops up. Lying all the time eats away at me in the long run. I don’t want you to think I’m hiding something from you.” That’s what I did in my last relationship, and it didn’t just destroy that relationship. It destroyed something inside me, too. I won’t let that happen again with Parker. But I still don’t want to stand out for anything in the world. Even less now than before. My only real wish is to fit in.

Coach Denner waves his hand dismissively. “That’s not what I mean. My son, no . . . ” He shakes his head. “My oldest child recently came out.” He pauses and studies his hands thoughtfully. “They explained a few things to me . . . and gave me an ultimatum. Being old and having a hard time with new things isn’t a good excuse if you want to keep the people who matter to you in your life.” He clenches his jaw. “It’s not about special treatment, but about respect. Some people—and I include myself in that—still have to learn that.”

I’m completely speechless. I simply have no reply.

“Okay.” Coach Denner slams both hands on the table, making me flinch. “My suggestion would be that we handle this as discreetly as possible and bring the playoffs to a fantastic conclusion. We’ll tackle the rest as necessary.”

“That’s all I want.”

He stands up. “Alright. Ready for the team?”

“No?”

He laughs. Loud and piercing. “That makes two of us.”

The coach walks around his desk, holds out his hand to me, and slaps me on the shoulder with the other. “Let’s go. I’m on your side. Don’t forget that.”