Page 2 of Every November

Josh:

You survive the drive?

Me:

Barely

Josh:

Wanna get out of here tonight?

Me:

Yeah. What are you thinking?

Josh:

Some people are heading to High Top, wanna go?

I hesitate for half a second because the last thing I want is to see more people I know. High Top is the bar where everyone goes on Blackout Wednesday—the night before Thanksgiving when all the kids from high school come home and pretend we’re still in it… only now we can legally drink. But fuck it. The idea of going to a crowded bar and making small talk with people I haven’t seen in a few years sounds only marginally better than staying here. But it’s still better, and knowing I’ll be trapped here all day tomorrow is enough to take any excuse to get out of the house.

Me:

Sure, what time?

Josh:

9ish. I’ll pick you up.

Me:

Thanks man

I set my phone down and lie back against the pillows, staring at the ceiling. My eyes drift to the water stain in the corner of the ceiling that’s been there since I was in middle school. That winter, the ice buildup was so bad, but I didn’t tell my parents because I didn’t want to be blamed somehow since things always felt like my fault. They eventually saw it and yelled at me anyway for not telling them sooner, but they never fixed it. It’s always reminded me of a cloud. I used to stare at it when I couldn’t sleep, tracing the edges with my eyes, imagining it could transport me somewhere else. All these years later, I guess I’m still hoping for that when I visit. It sucks when the one place you’re supposed to feel safe is the one place where you feel the most on edge.

“Mom! We’re here!” My sister’s voice booms through my door from downstairs.

So much for killing time in my room. If I could’ve stared at the ceiling until Josh picked me up, I would’ve, but my mother wouldn’t let me get away with that.

“Marcus! Your sister is here!” Mom shouts as if I didn’t hear Lily’s announcement.

I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment and let out a sigh before forcing myself to get up to see Lily and Sean in an attempt to play happy family. Mom is so proud of Lily, which only adds salt to the wound since she’s everything I’m not. She chose to live in Bloomington, she’s getting her teaching degree at the local college here and is engaged to her high school “sweetheart”—all of which gives Mom something to really brag about.

Even though I didn’t leave Indiana for college, I still went a few hours away. But not Lily. She’s never left, explored, or given herself space to see what she likes without the confines of our mom carefully influencing her every decision. She’s never even dated anyone else. Only Sean. I couldn’t imagine. Not that I’ve ever dated anyone seriously, but I did have a couple of girlfriends and my share of hookups, all of which helped me discover more about myself.

When I get back in the kitchen, Lily is hugging Mom like she doesn’t live ten minutes away while Sean twists off the cap of a beer bottle. He looks the same, maybe a little more filled out than last time I saw him, with his dark beard that’s a little too pube-like and straggly for my liking. I would’ve thought for Lily’s too, but hey, not my fiancé. I don’t have to look at that face every day for the rest of my life. Thank fuck.

“Hey, Marcus,” Lily says, turning to me with a tight smile.

“Hey, sis.”

“How are you? It feels like it’s been forever,” she asks, since it’s been almost a year. I try to keep my trips home reserved for Thanksgiving and Christmas only when I can pull it off. Anything beyond that feels like I’m subjecting myself to unnecessary misery.

“I’m good, busy with work. You know how that goes,” I say with a shrug.

“You over the city life yet?” Sean asks, with a hint of disgust in his tone that I’d actively choose to live in a city.

“Not even a little,” I reply dryly. Asshole.