Page 71 of To Know Miss May

“No, ’twasn’t that amazin’,” she teased right back.

Their eyes met, their bodies standing close to the outer wall of worn stone.

August knew his time alone with Livvy was coming to an end—just as much as he knew it needed to come to an end. He’d gone too far that night. He’d fallen for her too greatly. And now he feared she had fallen for him, too. If that happened, how would Mr. May react? And how was August to ever convince her to leave the Mount?

But then, he shouldn’t worry about such things unless he knew the truth—unless he knew how she really felt about him.

“Before ye go…” he began.

She looked up at him. “Yes?”

“Ye told me this evenin’ that ye were sociable ’fore your mother’s death, that ye avoid most socializin’ now…” He paused, trying to convince himself not to ask the question he already knew the answer to. But then, did he? “So…why do ye choose to socialize with me and no one else?”

Livvy was silent for a moment. He honestly wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t respond at all.

“’Cause ye accept me for who I be,” she replied softly.

Her response was worse than he’d even expected. His chest constricted as if strong hands had wrapped around his heart and were now squeezing the life from him like a dried fruit with no more sweetness to give.

How little she knew him, the man who was tasked to change exactly who she was.

“I must go now,” she whispered.

He nodded in silence, unable to respond.

“Thank ye again, August. This…this ’as been one o’ the best nights o’ me life.”

Without awaiting a response, she scurried around the corner and disappeared into the darkness toward the houses.

August wanted to remain hidden, to forget the evening had even occurred, but he peered around the corner and watched as her shadowed silhouette vanished into her home.

Once he knew she was safe, he fell back against the side of the boathouse and stared up at the stars that shone beyond the edge of the roof.

He’d gained Livvy’s trust. He knew he would be able to convince her to socialize with others now, perhaps even to attend the assembly off the Mount where she could find more men who she could charm her way into their hearts.

Mr. May would be thrilled. Perhaps Miss May would be happy, too. Because once she discovered August’s ruse—and if he’d been convinced of anything that night, it was that she would discover it—there was no chance she’d want to be with him.

And that caused his heart to ache more than anything.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

“Secret griefs are more cruel than public calamities.”

Candide, Voltaire

Every spring near the anniversary of Mother’s death, Livvy made it a point to visit the graveyard on the Mount, gathering a bundle of flowers and laying it to rest before her mother’s moss-covered grave marker.

Typically, Livvy liked to complete the task in early March, but this year, she had been delayed by her illness, her new books, her time with August, and, perhaps more than anything, her hesitation to reassess the feelings that were brought to the forefront of her mind every time she visited Mother’s grave.

Perhaps that was why she’d opened up with August last night. Or perhaps it was simply because she knew she could trust him with the information. Well, some of the information. She still was unwilling to share what Mother had told her on her deathbed—words Livvy would never even share with Father.

Even still, speaking with August had renewed her spirits, and she woke up bright and early to accomplish the task set before her. Her first stop was to visit the Otterhams, who once again asked after her reading.

Livvy told them that she’d stayed up late the night before to finish the final chapter of The Mysteries of Udolpho, which, of course, had proved to be as wonderful as she’d thought it would be.

Although, she did sidestep the fact that the book, while exciting, paled tragically in comparison with her night out with August. That was also another thing she did not share, that she very easily could have caused herself a personal scandal by sneaking out in the middle of the night with a man who was pretending to be quite attached to a woman who was secretly engaged to another man.

Her mind still spun at the thought. She’d felt such relief to know that August wasn’t attached to Miss Pengelly, her guilt from before fading in the night’s sky.