Page 119 of To Know Miss May

She nodded. “Quite. It be the only way to make ye ’appy.”

He tipped his head to the side. “’Tisn’t about me bein’ ’appy, Liv. ’Tis about ye bein’ ’appy. Ye know ye be like your mother, and livin’ ’ere would ne’er suit ye for the rest o’ your life. I just…I can’t ’ave ye resent me as she resented me for keepin’ ’er ’ere.”

Livvy closed her eyes, trying to allow his words to settle around her. Hearing him speak of Mother in such a way was a rarity, and her heart reached out to him and the fear he obviously still felt at the hands of his late wife.

Perhaps he was right. Perhaps she was more like Mother than she thought. Perhaps she never would be happy on the Mount.

She was closer to believing that now than she ever had been before, what with August no longer in her life. She couldn’t bear seeing him day in and day out, always having the embarrassment of how their relationship started—and then how it ended—at the forefront of her mind. So leaving the Mount was the answer.

“I’ll ne’er resent ye, Father,” she said. “But I’ll leave the Mount, if ye so desire it.”

His frown lessened. “Do ye desire it?”

She looked away. “Yes.” It was mostly the truth. She wanted to stay but not under the current circumstances.

“Then may I ask…what changed?”

Tears pricked her eyes, but she swiftly blinked them away. Now she would never reveal to father how she’d fallen in love with August. How he and Father both had broken her heart and her spirit so she could no longer fight back. For what good would come from admitting to such things?

“The assembly in Marazion,” she lied. “It did reveal to me ’ow ’appy I could be on the mainland.”

A smile played on his lips, a cruel opposite to her grieving heart. “I was hopin’ it’d ’ave that effect.”

She closed her eyes and turned away, wincing at another pierce to her heart. She didn’t wish to be there any longer. She wished to be home while she still could, reading at the seat by the window with the view of the harbor.

She still needed to finish Mrs. Moon’s books, but right now, nothing called to her more than the familiarity of Hamlet. After all, reading a book she’d poured over before was like watching the tide come in—she knew just what to expect, but the comfort that expectation brought to her heart was unmatched, unparalleled, even unforgettable. And she needed that comfort in her life right now more than anything.

“Liv, ye be starin’ off again,” Father said, clearly perturbed.

She blinked. “Forgive me, Father. I’ll leave ye to your work now. If…if ye’ll write the letter to your cousin and request me presence there as soon as possible?”

“’Course, love. ’Course.”

She nodded her gratitude then stepped away.

“Liv?”

She turned back around to face him. “Yes?”

“I be so proud of ye.”

Livvy felt the final breath of energy escape her spirit. “Thank ye, Father.”

Then she turned away and headed back through the gardens, praying she would not see August. For if she did, she knew she’d be reminded yet again of how he’d always expressed his appreciation for her being her true self—and just how greatly that opposed Father’s own pride in her.

For Father’s pride only appeared when she was swallowed up by his own ambitions and fears.

At least with her departure one of them would finally be happy.

Though she knew in her heart, that one would never be her.

CHAPTER FIFTY

“It is far better…to be disappointed in love, than never to love.”

A Vindication of the Rights of Woman, Mary Wollstonecraft

August stared out the front window in the sitting room, watching the raindrops race each other as they slid down the glass.