Page 78 of Lessons in Love

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My one and only exam comes much faster than expected. Perks of doing an Arts degree, I suppose. The majority of my units just have major final assignments, but my Decadent Literature subject decided to do an exam. Fine by me. I’ve needed something to keep my mind off of her lately.

My book has been keeping me busy, thankfully. Dad and Jason have been supportive, and that’s still something I’ll have to get used to. I haven’t asked about the business, and they haven’t asked about Eden, but we seem to be coming to a mutual understanding of not inserting ourselves in each other’s lives. Fine by me.

A chill shakes my body as I wait outside the exam building. Exams before midday should be illegal. I’m thankful I managed to have a dreamless sleep last night. Usually I can’t even get a break from her even when I’m unconscious, haunted by shining brown eyes and reaching for her soft skin like she’s beside me.

Winter is well and truly here, and my black puffer jacket does nothing to keep me warm enough. Oh well. I shove my hands deeper into my pockets. We all know the exam room will be set at ‘tropical rainforest’, leaving everyone sweating and shrugging off their jackets and jumpers before reading time has even finished.

I chat idly with some of the other people in my class, but my mind can’t stay on the conversation. My mind can’t stay on anything but her.

Contemporary Literature also has their exam today. This date was embedded in my brain from the first meeting with her. The end date of my tutoring services. The end of our agreement. Which means Eden and I will be the closest we have been in weeks. A pit seems to open up in my stomach. And it’s not just from exam nerves.

We get ushered into the building, finding our allocated seats. That’s when I see her. She’s about thirty seats away, chair facing away from me as she pulls out her laptop. But I would recognise my university jumper anywhere. The way it skims her mid-thigh, taking me back to that night after the club. Hell, I feel like I can even smell her vanilla scent from here.

Time stands still.

Just for a moment.

“Take your seat, please,” the exam supervisor says, glaring at me over the top of his glasses. I murmur an apology, sliding into my chair. I struggle to take my laptop out of my bag, hands slick with sweat.

Did she see me? Do I want her to have seen me?

This is what we’ve been working towards the entire semester and I can’t be there to celebrate with her when she passes. The very edges of an idea start to enter my mind. Pushing it aside, I focus on just finishing this exam. Then I can worry about her.

Like I haven’t been worrying about her this entire time.

24

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Eden.

Dad picks me up the day after that exam. Gemma hugs me goodbye, returning home herself. I shed a few tears, feeling her absence as though I’ve lost a bit of myself. Dramatic, I know. But after being joined at the hip for this long, any distance hurts. Thankfully it’s only for about a month before our final semesters begin. Excitement at being so close to the finish has started to unfurl in my chest, but there’s also this inexplicable sadness at a chapter of my life coming to an end.

A chapter in my life where certain people might stay.

I’m grateful that Dad doesn’t talk much on the ride home after helping me take my suitcases downstairs. He asks how I’m going, and it takes everything in me to mutter out a strangled ‘good’.

I’m not ‘good’, of course, but he doesn’t need to know that. Well, the single eyebrow raised in my direction suggests that I’m not as good at hiding my feelings as I thought. I swear my dad can read minds. Even the way Gemma looks at me sometimes has me doubting my lying abilities.

The drive flies by. It usually does that when you have something else on your mind. Or someone else. The hours condense into one, the green countryside blurring into a continuous image. I could do this drive in my sleep, and it feels like that now. Images run through my mind as I absentmindedly pick at the denim of my jeans.

The last time I did this drive was with Oliver. How simple it was back then. I’d do anything to be eating cold petrol station food with him again. I’d even take his negative opinions of his music just to hear the sound of his voice.

Before I know it, we’re pulling into the all too familiar gravel driveway, twisting and turning through the rows of trees. The rattling of the stones usually brings me a sense of comfort, but my mind is too tangled for that today.

The house pulls into view, and when I see my mum standing there waiting for me, a strangled sob tries to make its way out of me. I’ve seen this familiar landscape so many times over the years but today feels different. It feels like I left a part of myself behind in the city. Opening the car door, I can’t make my way to the veranda soon enough.

“Eden! How are you? Jake’s home early from school, but the others shouldn’t be back for a few hours.” Mum reaches me first and wraps me in a hug that is just tight enough that breathing becomes easier. Go figure. I suspect Jake has told her about my boy troubles by the way she rubs my back comfortingly.

“I’m good, Mum. I’m good.” We pull apart for a moment and Mum rests her hand on my cheek. It’s a passing gesture, but there’s a comfort in it that I’ve been missing. I really should have called more. Tried to tell them what happened between Oliver and I when even I don’t know.

Jake’s next, and the look of pity on his face makes me want to throw up. Is it really that noticeable how miserable I am?

“Hey, Jake. Happy birthday.”

He hugs me, and there’s no gentle teasing that goes with it. That makes me feel even worse. “I missed you.”