Page 33 of Lessons in Love

We’ve got our next assignment due at the end of this week. I’ve already finished, of course. Coming to this tutorial was just to double check I haven’t missed anything important. For some of my classmates, I doubt that they’ve even started.

It’s a research essay, for Christ’s sake. You should have started weeks ago. Planning even longer before then.

But I can’t say that. Not out loud, at least.

So, instead, I just sit here. I use this time to catch up on my readings for my other classes, occasionally tuning in when the tutor talks about future assignments. But for the most part I can just stay in my head, which is how I like it.

Eden has been at the forefront of my thoughts lately. That, and the offer my dad made me. My final year was meant to be relatively easy, relatively predictable. Go to classes, do assignments, tutor, and read. Instead, the life as I knew it has been completely upended, and I don’t think I’m exactly mad about it.

Before I know it class has ended, and as I’m packing up my books the tutor comes over. I’ve had Sinead for a couple of my classes, so I’m not surprised when she stops me.

“Oliver! You were awfully quiet this morning.”

A middle-aged woman with long, curly blonde hair and a pair of red glasses, Sinead is always dressed very…eclectically. Lots of colours, lots of knits. But I wouldn’t let that fool you. She has one of the brightest minds at this university and is a fantastic teacher of some very complex topics.

“Sorry,” I say sheepishly, rubbing the back of my neck.

“I’m going to assume that’s because you’ve already finished the assignment?” Leaning against the desk in front of me, she raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah. I came just in case I missed something.”

“That would be very unlike you.” She pauses, looking over her glasses at me. It makes me feel very exposed, like something Eden would do. I hope I don’t blush as I think about her. “Tell me, have you thought more about what I asked you last year?”

It was after my exam last semester that Sinead pulled me aside and asked me to consider an Honours or Masters program with her and her team. Said that I’ve got too much talent to waste it and it’ll be somewhere where my skills will be used and improved. It got me excited, it really did, but then the doubt crept in.

“I have.” I start slowly, trying to find the words somewhere in my brain. “I’m just…not sure yet.”

Sinead nods. “That’s okay. The offer is still there though, and I want you to seriously consider it.”

“My dad offered me a position with his business.” The words come out of my mouth easily. I want to get someone else’s perspective, and someone’s who I trust.

“And do you want to take it?”

“I’m not sure.”

“You are at a critical point in your life, Oliver. You have the world at your fingertips, and that can seem terrifying. Don’t say no to anything yet. Say yes to every opportunity you can.” She stands again. “I have big hopes for you.”

I nod, unable to find a response. Her words warm something in me. I finish packing up my stuff, and when I leave the classroom I somehow feel lighter than when I entered.

* * *

“It’s fucking freezing.”

“Oh, come on mate! It’s not that bad.”

Ben said we’d just kick the footy for a bit to get us away from work. Ben said that he won’t make me run much. Ben said that it’s not even that cold.

Ben’s a liar.

It’s been an hour or so and I can’t feel my ears. Or my fingers. Which is especially unhelpful when you’re trying to catch a football being kicked in your direction. It slips through my fingers again, wet from the dew that sits on top of the grass. Jogging, I catch up to it, flipping Ben off as I do. I almost have to squint against the bright lights of the field. I’m grateful for them, with the sun going down earlier and earlier lately, but it doesn’t feel good when you look directly into them. Which I have done. On multiple occasions. Trying to see the ball is hard sometimes, okay?

“When can we stop this torture?”

“When you tell me what’s going on with you and Eden.”

“Nothing’s…” I pause, blowing a puff of air out. Ben gives me a look, and I roll my eyes. “We’re just seeing how it goes, okay? I’m not sure if it breaches my code of conduct if we start something.”

“When have you ever cared about a code of conduct?”