Page 11 of Chill

My cock twitched, and I glanced down, surprised. For the first time in twelve months, my body was reacting to a female. Surprisingly, it was this one. I wouldn’t say Meadow was beautiful, but she was attractive, or would be with a decent night’s sleep and some self-love. I hid in the shadows as Nanci took her to the office. Something inside me prayed Nanci would hire her, but I rejected the idea. I’d have nothing to offer a woman, just a fuck, and that was it. I could barely take care of myself, let alone anyone else.

Later, I swallowed those words as I ate the meal Meadow had prepared. Even her cooking was sweet, like her name. The food was tasty, filling and fuckin’ great. If Nanci didn’t hire Meadow, there’d be a riot. When Vortex demanded Meadow be hired, I barely hid a smile. Seems fate wanted to torture me.

I had to wonder if Nanci had anything else planned because the surprises kept rolling out. First off, she recruited a legacy—Slim’s brother, Sabre. That fucker almost sent me diving into a bottle.

Sabre looked too much like Slim, and it slayed me the first few times I saw his face. It affected Inglorious and Razor too. Knowing I was spiralling, I booked Janet and had a phone consultation before I ended back in the cells. She’d become the go-to therapist all MCs were using.

Janet made an appointment, but talked me off the ledge for now. Sabre seemed to realise and kept out of our way until Nanci called us on it. She was right; it wasn’t Sabre’s fault, and it had to hurt him too. The Unwanted Bastards grew to nine. Nanci made everyone happy and hired Meadow. That was a distraction I didn’t need.

Then Nanci learned Heat’s daughter, Kya, was in danger and rescued her. Heat’s kid had been abused by her mother—Manda—and Nanci ended her sorry existence.

That gutted me; a piece of Heat we could love and cherish had been neglected and forgotten by the club. What the fuck was wrong with us? How on earth had we forgotten how self-centred Manda was? Kya was badly affected. She’d lived with Heat here and had known nothing but adoration and positive attention. In the space of a year, Manda had destroyed Kya’s confidence. We’d have our work cut out getting Kya back to where she was. But we’d do it; she was our girl.

Nanci also discovered Gravey in the cemetery where our brothers were buried. Inglorious had patched him, but Gravey shunned the club and crowds. For an encore, she recruited Doc Paul. Less than a month ago, there’d been three Unwanted Bastards, and now there were eleven.

Nanci was weaving miracles with every decision she made, including new prospects. She’d breathed life back into the club.

But the new cook now took my attention. Meadow’s perfume seemed to be everywhere. I was addicted to the smell and to her, and that was bad news. Because I didn’t want to like her. Meadow, I’d learned, was separated from her husband, going through a messy divorce and on the poverty line. She had three kids, whom her scumbag ex wouldn’t support. I made a note to find out where he lived and visit him.

Life was changing, and for the better. And something I’d not actually expected hit me hard—I was enjoying life once more.

Chapter Three.

Chill

“How do you feel?” Janet asked.

“Don’t know. Maybe guilty that I’m alive and they’re dead. Shame that I held Psych’s last words for so long. And it sounds stupid, but a kinda weird desperation,” I replied.

“In what way?” Janet questioned.

“I’m unsure how to explain. But I have this sense of being desperate constantly…” I frowned.

“Has this recently started?”

“Yeah, when the brothers began coming back.”

Janet waited.

“I’m scared they’ll disappear,” I said slowly. “That if I’m not the best brother out there, they won’t want to stay.”

“How does that make you feel?”

“Frantic.” I laughed. “The club is being rebuilt, and I’m fuckin’ terrified we’re going to lose it again.”

“Which leads to the feelings of desperation,” Janet surmised.

“Yes. Because I can’t cope with that level of loss again.”

“You went through something traumatic, Chill. What you’re feeling is natural. The Unwanted Bastards took the worst losses. Everyone involved tried to resolve themselves that one or two might occur. But what happened to your club was extreme. Especially as it wasn’t your fight.” Janet sat back.

“That’s what annoys me. It wasn’t, but it was. We couldn’t let innocents be massacred, but we didn’t start it,” I complained, aggrieved.

“Yet you ended it. What would you have done differently?”

“Died?” I bit out and laughed. “Saved Psych? He was the better man. Psych wouldn’t have wallowed in misery as I did.”

“No? Can you be sure of that?” Janet challenged. I wanted to snap yes, but couldn’t.