Page 88 of Rituals & Rivalry

Sterling tenses. “What?”

I lift my head and laugh. “Sorry. I was talking to the stars. I like to, like… ask them open-ended questions, I guess.”

Even if they aren’t responding anymore.

The lump in his throat bobs, and he nods. “Do they have an answer?”

“No.” I lift my shoulders, working on acceptance. “But maybe they will soon, if I keep asking.”

For the first time in years, I feel ready to reconnect with my magic.

Slowly.

Sterling leaves just before my family comes home, and I already know I’m going to miss having him around the place. I’ll miss his breakfast, his terrible jokes, and I’ll definitely miss him holding me as I drift off to sleep. But at least my family is coming back.

A weekend without them made me miss them too much, as did having Sterling around—someone who actually wants to spend time with me. I want that back with my family. I want more time together. More shared hobbies. More fun.

“Welcome home!” I shuffle over to greet them all with a hug as they come inside. “I know it’s only been a week, but I’m so glad you’re back.”

“Aw, darling.” My mom kisses my cheek, her expression soft. “I hope the cottage didn’t give you too much trouble when I was out. She’s been such a sweetheart lately.”

“She’s still been on her best behavior.”

Thanks to Sterling—and maybe thanks to Leo no longer being around to annoy her. But, of course, all good things must come to an end.

“Too bad the place didn’t swallow you whole.” Leo ruffles my hair as he passes, avoiding my hug altogether.

The doors in the kitchen cupboards open and bang closed, greeting Leo as only she can. Leo’s smile swiftly fades.

We’re all about to go our own ways. They’re home, yes, but it won’t feel anywhere as lively as it did when Sterling was around. Maybe it’s because a part of us died when Dad did. I know I lost a sliver of my soul that day, but I can’t keep letting our family drift apart.

That starts with Mom.

I follow her into her room, so much like when I was young. I used to sit on the edge of her bed and watch her get ready for work. There were also times when she couldn’t leave her bed. That was especially true after Dad died, and I stopped visiting her in her room at that point.

Now, I wish I’d gone. I wish I’d sat with her while she was in the dark hole of despair. I wish I’d picked up the clothes and water bottles all over her floor, maybe brought her some food. Maybe things would be different if I had. She could have come out of the shadows sooner, and it wouldn’t have taken moving to a new town to get her there.

But she seems happy in Starbrook. Luke does, too.

As she sets her suitcase down and unzips it, I sit on the edge of her bed and draw my legs up to underneath my chin, wrapping myself in a ball.

After only a moment, Mom turns her attention back to me. “What’s wrong?”

It takes all of my plucked-up courage to say three words: “I miss you.”

She smiles softly, clearly not feeling the weight of it. “I know you did, but I’m back now⁠—”

“No.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “I mean, I still missed you before, even when you were here. I’ve been missing you for years, Mom.”

Her expression drops, and she wets her lips, nodding. I know my words won’t be easy to swallow, but I hope she can understand.

“And it’s so good that you’re back now,” I say, “and that you’re feeling better, giving art lessons, that you’re yourself. But I’m not me anymore. So, you’re back, and I’m not, and I still miss you.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” She abandons her task and joins me on the edge of the bed, wrapping her arms around me. “I know. I’m sorry. I see you. I see your struggles, too.”

“Do you?”

For years, I thought no one noticed me. My mom was too deep in her depression, Luke was too optimistic, and Leo didn’t care. But maybe I was more transparent than I thought.