Page 35 of Rituals & Rivalry

Doubt isn’t the right word. Fear may be closer.

“Let’s get a clarifier, then.” She shuffles the deck again, but at this point, all I want to know about is my future.

Who is the Knight of Swords, and why is he in reverse?

The Five of Cups comes out next, and that all-knowing smile on her face fades into a deep frown. “You’re still mourning. Of course.”

That card makes more sense than the rest of the reading.

I wordlessly nod. Typical. My dad is showing up. He can’t leave me alone for a second. Always disappointed, just like the downtrodden man in the Five of Cups—the man with his head turned down, looking over his spilled chalices.

That’s him watching me.

“You’re in a good position,” she says. “The potential to be a leader. You’re smart. Likable. You don’t see yourself that way, and you’re not ready to make your dreams come true because of the past aspirations that remain unfilled.”

I laugh nervously. “Sounds about right.”

“Your future is… curious.” She points to the final card. “In reverse, the Knight of Swords is a man who is often jealous and puts his foot in his mouth. Remind you of anyone?”

Sterling.

“No.” I inhale smoky, sweet incense and look out the window. Copper trees blow in the wind. “Not really.”

What the hell does he have to do with my future? He’s my present, but not in a major way. More like an annoying fly buzzing around my head, waiting to be swatted.

“There may be some competition in your future.” Her eyes sparkle, knowingly again, after her brief confusion. “But something tells me this is not the outcome of this chapter in your story. It’s only the first step. This reading has confirmed something I’ve suspected of you all along.”

I swallow thickly. “Which is…?”

She knows… she knows…

“You have the soul of a leader, even if you haven’t stepped into such roles. Yet.”

Oh.

I fold my hands on the table and stare at the onyx ring on my index finger. After a moment, I say, “What about Sterling? Do you think he’ll be a good leader?”

How can he be if he’s the Knight of Swords?

“I think he requires something more to become a good leader, and I haven’t put my finger on what it is and how to give it to him,” she says. “But he’s more than he seems, and he’s been through more than it may appear. So, tread gently.”

What, his breakup? He mentioned it when we met all those years ago, and it seemed messy, but that was a while ago. As far as I know, that’s what had him so down when we first met. Sure, a single rebound probably didn’t fix it, but I tried to help.

“Why do you think I’m a good leader?” I ask. “I’ve never been one before. No one has ever wanted me to be, not even my—my last mentor.” My father. Never good enough for him, no matter how hard I tried. It’ll be the same with Jewel. “What am I doing here?”

She chuckles lowly. “I’m a divination witch, dear… and I saw something in you from the start, as I said. It’s you. Not your brothers, no matter how much Leo has tried to kiss up to me, and not even your mother. You carry your father’s spirit.”

She’s right.

I bring with me the worst bits of him. The pressure. The secrets. And, once upon a time, I even had his magic.

It’s getting too heavy. I can’t keep carrying it all, but there’s nowhere else for it to go.

* * *

We stopped having family dinners after Dad passed away. It’s strange—he wasn’t the one who planned them, but he was the one who cooked. During the week, Mom and Dad took turns cooking, but he loved an opportunity to make something big for our special Sunday dinners. Something that took time.

He’d find inspiration in cooking shows far out of his depths, ruin the meal, and every time, we’d get pizza instead. I can’t think of a single time he actually made one of his culinary pipe dreams work. Lamb? Burned it. Weird pastry around meat thing? Kind of gross, to be honest.