Page 6 of Fearless

It’d been his mantra for years, until Serena. Those few years with her… They had been everything. With her, the pain had barely been noticeable. But now that he’d lost her, damned if he hadn’t adopted the practice once again. Don’t think. Don’t feel. Just do the job.

Half an hour later, Sean dropped the ax to the ground and straightened his shoulders with a groan. Eyeing the pile before him, he noted he had more than enough wood to last him two harsh Montana winters. Chopping any more would be pointless. Swiping the sweat on his brow with his forearm, he drew in an icy breath of fresh, crisp air. Predictions were for a cold, hard winter, and he relished the thought. Solitude was the best thing for him right now.

A low woof came from behind him, a reminder that he wasn’t completely alone. Turning, Sean felt a lift to his heart at the sight of the black Lab sitting patiently on the porch. Hank had shown up one day, emaciated and injured. Some jackass had shot him. Fortunately, the bullet had only grazed his rump, but by the time Sean found him, infection had been setting in, and it had taken multiple visits to the vet to get him well. But now, he was a healthy boy and a good friend. And because of Sean’s stupid-assed actions, his only friend these days.

Hauling up an armful of logs, Sean stomped into the cabin. Snow was coming in a few days, and he had a lot to do before he hunkered down for the winter.

“Come on, Hank. Let’s get inside and get some dinner. Sound good?”

Hank answered with another woof. This one with more excitement.

Sean’s mouth lifted in a half grin. That was one thing about Hank. He was a man of few words. He said what he meant and meant what he said.

With a backward kick, Sean closed the door and then dropped the load of wood into the giant tin tub beside the fireplace. With what was already piled up, he shouldn’t need to add more for at least a week.

As he headed to the kitchen, he caught a glimpse of the thick tan envelope on the desk. He ignored it, just as he had for the past few weeks. He was a man of action and wasn’t one to put anything off. In this, he had no choice. Helluva note, since he was the one responsible for its existence in the first place.

His jaws clenched, Sean prepared Hank’s dinner. The pup stood silently beside him, patient as ever. Oddly enough, it felt natural to have a dog in the house. When he was a kid, he’d asked for a pet several times, but his dad had always denied the request. Tim Donavan had been a quiet, serious-minded, unaffectionate man who always seemed worried about everything. Even his funeral had been a small, quiet affair. Sean and Brenda had returned home and just gone on with their lives.

Looking back now, he could see how odd that was, but it had felt normal then. Brenda hadn’t been an emotional person either. She had, in fact, been cold to the point of ignoring him for days, seemingly in her own world.

All of that had changed when Emma was born.

No. He shut that down in an instant. He did not go there ever. He just didn’t…

His jaw now tighter than before, Sean finished preparing Hank’s food. He reminded himself that he hadn’t eaten since last night, but putting food in his now knotted gut wasn’t going to happen.

He walked out of the kitchen, again spotting the envelope on the desk. In an instant, he knew he could put it off no longer. He was being selfish, once again, by letting this go on so long. It was past time for Serena to move on with her life. Letting her find happiness elsewhere was the only thing he could give her now. Getting out of her life forever was the only way for that to happen.

He grabbed his cell and thumbed a key before he could change his mind.

Francine, Wisconsin

Serena Donavan smiled in approval of the progress she’d made. This was going to be a surprise for Paps when he came home from the hospital tomorrow. Her granddad had fallen a few months back and broken his leg. Unfortunately, it hadn’t healed as well as they’d hoped, and he’d had to have surgery. He was eighty-two years old but had a strong constitution. He also happened to be married to a former nurse who insisted he stay one more night in the hospital before coming home.

Paps had been working on this stone walkway when he’d stumbled over a bucket and fallen. Since he hadn’t been able to finish his work, Serena wanted to do it for him.

She was fortunate that not only could she perform her job for OZ from any location, she also worked with the greatest people in the world. Option Zero was a second family, and they understood what the people in Francine meant to her.

She was more than halfway done, but she was going to stop now and freshen up a bit, as she was expecting a visitor soon.

Stacking the tools against the tool shed, Serena went inside her grandparents’ house to take a quick shower in a guest bathroom. As she stood beneath the warm, pulsing spray, she thought of the odd term she had given the man who was coming to see her. She wasn’t expecting just any visitor. She was expecting her husband, Sean.

He had called yesterday and asked if they could talk. The very idea that her husband thought he had to call and ask if he could talk to her in person was something she could barely comprehend. How had things gotten so insane?

By the grimness of his tone when he’d called, she had a strong hunch on why he wanted to see her. He wasn’t coming to tell her he wanted to return home. He was coming to say goodbye.

Even beneath the flow of water, she could feel tears pooling in her eyes. Months ago, when he’d asked for a divorce, she had told him if that was what he wanted, then she would give it to him. She had told him more than once that she loved him enough to give him anything he asked of her. She had just never anticipated this. In her heart of hearts, she had believed he would change his mind. How could a misunderstanding lead to something so awful and drastic?

When she’d married Sean, she had seen his darkness…his pain. But the longer they were together, the less damaged he’d seemed. He had never talked to her about the dark parts of his past. She understood, maybe better than most. Sometimes you just wanted to push the darkness down so deep that you could ignore it ever existed. But the problem with darkness was that it never really went away. You had to endure it, face it, accept it, learn from it, and then, hopefully, you could move on. She didn’t know if Sean had ever been able to do that. But she had fallen in love with the man, not his past. Every person had darkness and baggage, some worse than others.

On their first date, she had shared her own painful past with him. A pang entered her heart when she thought about her first love, her first husband, Drew. They had been childhood friends and then had started dating in high school. They’d even gone to the same college. He had proposed the night of their high school graduation, and when she’d said yes, she had felt like the most blessed person in the world to be marrying her best friend. They had married right before they’d started college, looking ahead to what they believed would be years together, filled with good health and happiness.

They’d been in their second year at Purdue, both pursuing the same degree in computer science. It had been a lovely, wonderful time of learning, being on their own for the first time, and loving who they were becoming together. It was in the middle of that year that Drew had gotten sick. At first, they’d thought it was just exhaustion, but the first visit to the doctor had literally changed their lives. The leukemia had hit fast and hard. Within months of Drew’s diagnosis, she’d become a widow.

Something had broken within her that day. But instead of finding a hole to burrow herself into and hide, she had buried herself in her education. Earning her degree a year sooner than expected, she had gone for her master’s and had been contemplating a PhD when her life had taken another crazy turn.

The State Department had approached her right before she finished her master’s degree. Apparently, several of her professors had made overtures on her behalf. After giving it careful thought and consideration, she’d accepted a job as an analyst. Serving her country in that capacity had felt like a godsend. The work had been challenging and rewarding, giving her exactly what she’d needed to move forward both professionally and emotionally.