Page 63 of Harbor Me

She stands there staring at me. The cups on the filing cabinet are still steaming.

“I’m not leaving before the end of the month.”

She picks up her bag, fishes out my keys and puts them on the desk. She walks out and Diesel gets to his feet, ready to follow.

“No,” I tell him sternly. He lies back down, but the look he gives me tells me he’s not happy about it.

I was going to tell her I love her today.

The love is still here. It's sitting in me right where she put it.

It's not going anywhere and I can't make it stop and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with something this big that I don’t have room for anymore.

Chapter 16

Vanessa

The denial letter is still on the desk when I walk in Monday morning. Right where he put it, lined up next to my contract, the two signatures facing the ceiling like an exhibit at trial. The hazelnut hot chocolate I bought is on the filing cabinet, exactly where I left them. Stone cold. The whipped cream dissolved into an oily puddle.

It feels like an allegory for my life right now.

I sweep up the two documents and deposit them in the top drawer, closing it firmly so I don’t have to keep staring at them. Then I wipe down the filing cabinet, pour the cold hot chocolate down the drain outside and toss the cups in the trash before turning the computer on.

The yard is already running. I can hear the compressor in the workshop and the radio on the country station Aiden swears he doesn't listen to. He’s probably been here for hours. Came in while it was still dark and closed every door between the office and the workshop so he wouldn't have to catch a glimpse of me.

Fine.

It hurts like hell, but fine. I spent all of yesterday trying to think of a way to fix this. I told him the truth about the rejection and how I fought it, but I doubt that even registered with him. All he can see is that I lied to him. I should have told him sooner. I know that. Some hopeful part of me believed he’d be able to see past it.

I really thought we connected. That he felt the way I do. I’ve fallen for him in every way imaginable. If he felt even a tenth of that he wouldn’t have been able to just walk away from us the way he did. Maybe he’ll change his mind. He’s historically a very flexible and open-minded man after all. Ha.

I sit in the chair he sat in yesterday waiting to confront me and open the invoicing software. May as well try to keep busy.

Marcus comes straight to the office for coffee when he arrives. He takes one look at my face, looks at the closed workshop door, looks back at me, and the tune he’s been whistling since he rounded the corner dies in his throat.

"Morning," I say brightly.

Too brightly. The insurance voice. God, I can hear it.

"Morning." He picks up a mug, his expression careful. "Everything okay?"

"Absolutely." I give him a smile that probably looks like I'm being held at gunpoint. "Busy day. The Cavanaugh outboard is due back at noon, and I still need to pull the parts receipt."

He stands there for another three seconds, decides this is above his pay grade, pours his coffee and goes to find his boss. I don't blame him.

Tommy arrives eleven minutes later with his clipboard tucked under his arm and a donut in his hand, and whatever Marcus told him in the workshop parking lot has clearly not been enough information, because his face is trying to settle on an expression. It’s currently cycling between curious and sad.

"Hey, Vanessa."

"Hey."

"So is it like... a fight, or..."

"It's a workday, Tommy."

He opens his mouth. Closes it. The clipboard comes out and he holds it against his chest like a shield, which is new. "Cool. Yeah. Okay."

I nod at the Cavanaugh file. "Can you check if that water pump came in yesterday's delivery? Should be in the cage."