Page 61 of Love Decoded

The first one I chalk up to coincidence, but when I get nervous the third day and go into the office to “accidentally” run into him so I can get a read on him, Samantha informs me that some case exploded and that all hands were needed on deck. She said Lucas has been working eighteen-hour days all week. Which makes me feel bad for Lucas but also better than I did this morning. Because I’ve been lost in thoughts and worries and doubts.

Lucas was right. I wasn’t sure of the kiss.

Not in a way that I regret it, but enough that I’m glad he stopped us. Stopping things before they escalated has given me a chance to really think—about Lucas, about how I feel about him, about what I want for this short stint of life in Philadelphia.

Do I want a fling with Lucas? I can only assume that’s what he stopped from happening. It’s not like he was asking me to be his girlfriend.

I know sex isn’t a big deal for a lot of people, but for me, it comes with some key considerations. And a few extra because it’s Lucas and I’m both working for him and living in his home.

For one, I don’t have a lot of experience. My social life in high school was nonexistent because Dad moved us around so much, and as a result, I was a loner during my college years. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was twenty-one, and even then, it was because I wanted to get rid of it. I hated not knowing, the feeling like an outsider with yet another thing. I just wanted to be normal for one night.

Unfortunately, the nerdy guy from the library who I chose to be my first didn’t exactly make me feel better. I saw him twice before eventually cutting my losses and giving up on sex entirely. That was two years ago.

So, yeah, sex isn’t a super casual thing for me. Not because I think it has to be serious, but because I have no idea what I’m doing. And that requires a specific type of partner for it to be good.

Would it be good with Lucas?

I’ve gotten lost in that thought more than once—or six times—this week. Because things could get awkward if the sex is bad, or if he loses interest right after. I could theoretically hole up in the guest suite and avoid him for the two months I’m working here, but that would suck. Doesn’t exactly put things in the pro column.

Then again, just based on our kiss and that almost-kiss, I’m pretty sure the sex wouldn’t be bad. More likely it would be mind-blowing. There’s just something about the way he touches me…

I shake the memory of Lucas’s touch from my mind and get back to work. I ended up continuing my workday at the office since I’m already here, but I’m finding that knowing I’m in the vicinity of Lucas is bad for my focus.

There’s a knock on the conference room door, and I find myself welcoming the distraction. “Come in,” I call out.

Samantha pops her head in. “Hey, sorry to interrupt. Just wanted to check if you wanted something from the Italian restaurant down the street. One of the partners is catering a dinner for everyone at the office.”

My brow furrows. “Uh…yeah, sure. What’s the occasion?”

“Lucas signed a big client,” she says, waving it off. “The partners have been after them for a while because they’re constantly getting into legal trouble. Having them as a client means a pay day for the partners.”

My stomach drops.

Money. It’s always about money.

“Actually, you know what? I’m probably going to get out of here early, so I’m good on the dinner invite.” I force a polite smile that I’m hoping hides the dread that just dripped down my back. “But thank you for asking.”

Samantha nods. “Of course. If you change your mind, I’m placing the order at 4 p.m.”

But I won’t change my mind. About this, or Lucas.

What was I thinking? There’s no way I could be with Lucas, even casually. He works for—and represents—a company that stands for all of the things I despise: greed, arrogance, deceit. Not to mention, a complete lack of empathy for anyone but themselves. It’s the whole reason I took the original case against Lucas. I wanted to take his firm down a notch.

And he works for them. So much so that his entire life revolves around his job.

I close my laptop with a frustrated exhale. I don’t get it. I don’t get why Lucas works here. Because I don’t think he has any of those qualities.

I understand why he started here after law school, but it’s been almost ten years. Why is he still here? Is it the money? The status? Does he secretly possess all those qualities and I’m just blind to it?

Whatever the reason, I can’t get involved with him. I’ll finish out this case, make sure Randall’s company—the one good thing this firm has done—stays safe in its acquisition, and then I’ll move on. No distractions, no entanglements, nothing.

Mind-blowing almost kisses be damned.

I’m so lost in my thoughts that it takes me a second to realize what I walked into when I blow into Lucas’s apartment not even fifteen minutes later.

Two startled faces look up from where they’re hunched over some papers at the dining room table. Lucas, and…a teenager?

He looks young, maybe fourteen or fifteen years old. No familial resemblance to Lucas, so I have no idea how to place him. But considering the pen and paper he’s holding and the big textbook in front of him, I’m going to assume he’s doing schoolwork.