Page 92 of Never Say Never

Chapter Thirty

Cohen

The silence is suffocating. The circumstances surrounding the birth of myself, and my brother. My brother. I really don’t even have the words. My heart is heavy and tired from the effort it takes to keep beating at a regular pace, while making sense of it all.

Scarlett hasn’t left my side, her hand is still firmly wrapped in mine. It dawns on me, she still thinks I lied about my mum, being gone, who knows what else.

Turning to her, I lift my tired eyes to hers. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know, my mum—”

“Shhh. I understand now, it’s okay. We’ll talk later.” She looks away and around the room, where James, Willow and Piers still sit. All of us transfixed in what feels like another world.

Piers and Willow stand to leave first, he walks over to where we sit and his hand rest heavy on my shoulder. It takes every ounce of energy I have left to stand and face him.

“I know we maybe got off on the wrong foot,” He starts, extending his hand to me. “But I’m hoping we could maybe get to know each other. Start over.”

“I would like that.” I place my palm in his and grip tightly. I can’t say anymore, a lump has lodge in my throat and tears prick my eyes.

With a squeeze and a pat to the back, he says his goodbyes. Willow hugs both Scarlett and I as silent tears trail down her face, this shocks the bloody hell out of Scarlett. Once they’re gone and just us and James remain, I stare at the gleaming wood in front of me. We sit at one end, he at the other. A table length away, but a world apart.

Seconds, then minutes pass, and the silence remains.

It’s Scarlett, who finally speaks up. “Maybe I should step out and let you two get on?”

James looks up at me and I look to Scarlett, shaking my head, pleading with my eyes, don’t go. Don’t leave me.

She nods, looking between James and myself expectantly.

I don’t know what to say. After everything that has happened, what I know and what I still don’t, I feel like everything I was prepared to say is all wrong. I need more time, my head says. He’s your father, my heart says.

“Maybe now isn’t the best time after all. Let’s go Scarlett.” I stand, and hold out my hand for her to follow me. But she just crosses her arms and stares at me, shaking her head. Of all times to be stubborn.

“You need to say what you came to London to say.” She stands and looks into my eyes, giving me the strength I need to face him, but I still don’t know what that is anymore.

She steps to the side and my gaze collides with James’ and he looks as weary as I feel.

My head is pounding with conflicting options, so I let my heart speak instead. “James, I appreciate you telling us, what you did. I can’t imagine it was easy, and I’m sorry for your loss. Wendy sounds like she was a wonderful woman, I’m thankful for what she did for Scarlett, the both of you. But I can’t be the prodigal son, I can’t play the role you want me to play. I’m sorry.”

His head falls forward and his shoulders slump. “I understand, but if you change your mind, Scarlett knows where to find me.”

We’re almost out the doors, when he calls after me, “I have some things for you, if perhaps you would like to meet up? Golf? Dinner, drinks? You name the place, the time. Maybe we could talk more and then I could give them to you.” I pity the desperation in his voice.

“It’s a little late for that don’t you think?” I say with my back still to him.

“I have a shipping business that needs a fourth generation to stand at its helm, I know it’s too late for us, but maybe not for you to take your rightful place. And I know you’ve already started making a name for yourself on the water. Cohen James.”

He can’t be serious. It’s all I’ve ever wanted and he’s dangling it right in front of me.

“That easy, no strings?” I whirl around, angry with him for offering, angry with myself for wanting it so bad.

“Of course there are strings! You’re my son and now that I’ve found you, I’ll not let you go. Strings be damned, I want to anchor myself to you Cohen! All I’m asking for is a chance, son.” He stands and walks to me, grasping my shoulders in his large hands. My heart is cracking wide open.

I want that. I want him. I can’t.

“Stop calling me that!” I yell, pulling back and it feels good to let it out. “You don’t know me at all.”

“Yes, I do! I heard everything you said when you came to visit.” I can’t hide the shock on my face.

“That’s right. I couldn’t respond, but deep down, I heard you. What I don’t know, Cohen, I’ll learn.” He stands in front of me, and I’m intimated by his tone and his size. “What I do know so far is that you have a God given knack for piloting a vessel, you are good with computers and I know that you have taken good care of your mum. And I’ve recently learned that you saved Scarlett here, more than once. I know you nearly killed a man to defend her honor. You’re fierce, brave, loyal and passionate and those are all qualities that make a leader extraordinary.” His voice booms out.