Page 65 of Packing for Vacation

I’m silent for a moment, trying to think how best to word things.

“It’s a simple question. Don't think about how best to lie to me, Matiu.” Her voice is small and wavering, breaking on my name, and I’ve never felt more like a piece of shit in my entire life. This is every fucking thing I wanted to avoid.

“I’m not going to lie to you.” I probably am going to throw up. “She was our scent match. She was already an omega when we met her at law school. Scott and I revealed as alphas within a few days of each other. How old were we?” I ask, already knowing the answer but wanting at least some input from the backseat.

“Twenty-one.”

“Twenty-one. It was the winter break. We were already flatting together. And when we both returned to uni, we realised Elaine was our scent match.”

“And we pursued a relationship with her,” Scott finishes. “She moved into the flat with us. I gave up my bedroom, and that became her nest. Matiu and I had to share a bed on the days when she didn't want us, which was more often than not, and that was probably the first red flag that we ignored.”

“A red flag for the relationship,” I clarify. “It was her prerogative to do what she liked, that’s obviously fine.”

“So you were a pack.” It’s a statement, not a question, but I can tell she still wants me to answer her.

“Yes.”

“She was your omega.”

“Yes.”

“And then what?”

“And then she got involved with the cult, which we didn't realise until it was too late.”

“That’s what I meant about the red flag,” Scott says. “She had a nest but she didn’t want it. She didn’t want us in it half the time and we followed her lead, obviously. When she did want sex she only wanted one of us at a time apart from her breakout heat. In hindsight, I think she had a lot of internalised issues with omegas. She probably would have been a good candidate for Preventar, had it been around at the time.”

The car is silent for the last few minutes before we arrive back at the house. I park and turn off the engine, but none of us make a move to get out. Somewhere in the distance a kiwi screeches. Slowly, my eyes adjust to the moonlight enough to see the shape of Lizzie beside me.

“What happened next?” Lizzie’s voice is deflated, and I’ve never been so aware of how careful I need to be right now. More careful than with any client, or lawyer, or judge, not because I want to deceive her but because I don’t want to hurt her. I’ve never wanted to.

“She decided that she only wanted to be with one alpha. She chose Scott. She said the cult teachings made everything make sense.”

“She used the word justified,” Scott adds. “I remember it. The cult justified the way she needed sex. I know we joke about omegas craving… you know⁠—”

“Cum,” Lizzie offers, the edge of aggression back in her voice.

“Yeah, I mean, I’m trying not to be crass, but… She had issues with it. She had issues with herself. I don’t think she could reconcile that she wanted to be a professional—she wanted to be a top dog, she wanted the corporate law life—but then she’d get a heat spike and need to gobble down a dick⁠—”

I shake my head, sighing painfully at Scott’s choice of words.

“Sorry, but it’s true.”

Seriously? “You said you were trying not to be crass, Scotty. That’s the fucking crassest thing you could have said, gobble down dicks. What the fuck?”

“But that’s the thing,” he argues back at me. “We’re alphas and omegas and that’s what we do, sex is part of our lives more than it is for betas. I mean, you’d hope it’s part of everyone’s life that wants it, but, fuck, I don’t know what I’m trying to say…”

“She had shame around going into heat, about being reduced to her omega self that only sought to satisfy her sexual desires,” Lizzie offers quietly. “I can understand that. Particularly if you’ve been brought up around a lot of betas, who tend to attribute more shame to sexual acts…”

“Her parents were religious betas,” I offer.

“Well there you go.” Lizzie relaxes back against her seat more, and it gives me hope. “So that cult gave her a way to be an omega and justify her needs in her head?”

“Yeah,” Scott answers. “She started talking about divine cores—she was meaning pussy. She started saying if she only had sex with one alpha, she’d be channelling the divine power, and therefore it was okay. I’m not… I’m not, and I never will be, interested in that bullshit. There’s no shame in sex. I wasn't going to join a cult. I wasn't interested. I wasn't interested in her once she had done that because she had changed. It didn't feel like a relationship when she'd gone behind our back…”

Lizzie is nodding a little too violently. “That makes sense. That makes sense! That when you feel betrayed by someone, that you're not interested in being in a relationship with them anymore. That it sours the whole thing. That you start thinking how could this possibly be a pack for me when I didn't have access to this information that I should have?”

Well, fuck.