Page 32 of Play With Me

“Let’s get you home,” he said quietly, his hands rubbing my upper arms.

“I’m grateful you came,” I murmured. “I think I just went too hard trying to finish up here and get to you.” He kissed the hair on top of my head, and I breathed him in.

“I can come back and take care of your space here while you’re sleeping.” He was definitely too good for me. “But you need to talk to Will first, or I’m dumping your ass.”

15

The Apology

The Bronx, NY

Will

I sat on the edge of her couch, hands clamped tight over my knees to keep my fingers from twitching for a cigarette. The city hummed outside the window, but it wasn’t loud enough to drown out that little sound she’d made replaying on a loop in my head.

I’d come harder than I ever had in my life the second I realized she was watching. Like she was in the room with me. Like it was her mouth on my dick.

Jesus Christ.

I wanted to disappear, crawl into the floorboards, and stop being a man for one second. What she did was fucked. I was pissed off and embarrassed. And still, I wanted to see her, wanted her to be able to look at me, hoped she would admit that she wanted me—at least in that moment. Maybe knowing would take the edge off the shame that had me reeling. What if she’d just been surprised? Horrified? The thought made me sick.

Ye’ve done nothin’ wrong, Liam. Give yerself some grace, the Lord has.

The door clicked, and Hasan stepped in first, smiling at me like all was good in the world. All is not good, Has.

Lou was hiding behind him, and my heart squeezed. When he moved to the side, I saw it all plain on her face. Fear, apology, shame. She was beautiful, but she looked like shit. Like she’d slept less than I had. Guilt personified.

I realized I’d been holding my breath, so I let it out all at once. I opened my arms, and she fell into them, an anguished sob breaking loose before I could wrap myself around her.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Will.”

After sincerely apologizing for having left the call running and forgetting to warn us, Has went for a walk to give Lou and me space to talk. I didn’t know what to expect, it was an unprecedented situation.

Why did your roommate’s best friend make you blow the load of a lifetime when you realized she was watching?

She was drinking her third full glass of water in her kitchen—I recognized it from the Smoothie Incident.

“We don’t have to do this right now, or frankly at all, Louisa. You need some sleep.”

I think she cried out all the water in her body when she walked in the door, or maybe she hadn’t been drinking water at all at the studio. She kept apologizing for crying, insisting she didn’t want me to comfort her. I had to respect that she wasn’t using tears to get me to forgive her.

She looked thin, pitiful even. Still gorgeous. Always that, but clearly she’d been going through it. She finished her glass and put it in the sink before turning around and leaning against the counter.

“I owe you more than an apology, Will. Please give me a second so I can do right by you.”

I leaned a shoulder against the wall, arms crossed, eyes on her.

She took a breath and looked into my eyes from across the kitchen.

“What I did… I don’t want to downplay it. I need you to know that I knew it was wrong, that I could have stopped at any point, and that I knew you didn’t know I was there. It wasn’t an accident. I made a choice to do the wrong thing.” Her lip wobbled, and she looked away, swallowing the emotion in her throat before continuing. She held up a hand when I tried to speak. “When I think about how I would have felt if the roles were reversed,” she was having trouble keeping it together, “God, Will. I would have felt so violated. I’m horrified and ashamed that I did this to you and to Nathalie.”

I nodded and uncrossed my arms to scratch the back of my head.

“She’s not that angry with you, Lou.”

“You told her?”

“Of course I did. And it fucking sucked, but she deserved to know right away.”