Page 41 of Whale Harbor

So? Mac had wanted to push. It’s no shame of yours, you were a child. Let the world know what they were like, he wanted to say, but the rest of his brothers were looking to their hands with heads bowed, and Mac felt guilty, having brought that darkness into the room with them, ruining their weekly joy—a good breakfast and a chat.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and he was so sorry he could barely hold it.

Mac told them he was going out to get a coffee—Barry only had tea—but when he rounded the corner he decided not to go back.

“WHERE THE HELL IS SEAN?” Mac asked his brothers now. “Didn’t he say four o’clock? I’m giving him five more minutes.” It was after 5:30. If Sean showed up in the next five minutes he could toast him quickly and still have time to shower once he got to the Bronx, before he picked up Lillie at 7:30, assuming the trains were running on time.

“All right,” Mac said at 5:45, standing from the stool and digging into his pocket for cash. “If he ever shows up, tell him I’ll see him tomorrow. Tell him congratulations.”

And then of course Sean walked in and everyone cheered for him, stood him a round. They wanted to know the baby’s name, her weight, if everything had gone all right. “You’re not leaving now,” Sean said to Mac, when he noticed him trying to sneak out, and putting his arm around his brother’s shoulder he launched into a story about getting Marie to the hospital.

At six o’clock Mac went outside to the pay phone and the air was like a wall of heat. He’d simply push the date back to 8:30. That might be nicer, even. It would be a little cooler by then, especially if they got the downpour he could smell coming. But when he called Lillie’s number, he got a busy signal. He hung up, waited a minute, tried again. Again, a busy signal.

When he went back inside, one of the men at the bar had passed a hat around. Each man peeled off a few dollars, as if it was nothing to them, that they wouldn’t even notice, that they didn’t have babies at home themselves. Even Hilda opened the register and threw in a five.

“Ah now,” Sean said when one of them pushed the folded stack of cash into his hand. He didn’t dare look at it in case they’d think he was trying to count. “Thank you very much.” He seemed off-kilter, Mac couldn’t put his finger on why. But it didn’t seem right to leave. He called Lillie from the pay phone again but again there was a busy signal.

Hilda covered the next round, and they told her she was some woman. At a quarter past seven Mac asked to borrow the bar phone and she warned him it better be local. This time, one of Lillie’s roommates answered.

“Uh-oh,” she said when he said his name.

“Is she mad?”

“Mmm. What’s the message?”

“Family emergency,” he said.

“Ah. The old family emergency. Hang on a minute while I write that down.”

“I’m serious. Tell her I’ll stop by tomorrow and I’ll explain.”

“I’d say she’ll have plans tomorrow.”

“I tried calling but someone was on the phone.”

“Oh, it’s my fault is what you’re saying.”

“Just tell her I’ll see her tomorrow.”

“Sure I will. No problem.”

There was murmuring in the background, the sound of a palm being pressed against the receiver, female voices. He thought she might pass the phone to Lillie but after a moment the line went dead.

Once the Joyce brothers had officially missed visiting hours, Sean said he figured if he was already in hot water why not stay for another round. Delia was with her aunt on Marie’s side for the night, had been staying there since Marie went into labor.

It bothered Mac that Sean told Marie he’d be there to visit and instead he was drinking pints. Only Barry looked at him and understood. Missing that promised time seemed like something Cathal would do. If it were any of the others but Sean, Mac would have spoken up, made them all put down their pints and walk over to the hospital, but Sean was the eldest and that still mattered.

Barry was the first to call it a night. There’d been a break-in not far from his building earlier in the week and Regina believed every strange noise was the Son of Sam.

The others called it just a few minutes after Barry left. Fearghal and Noel had to punch in early the next morning. They’d survived a round of layoffs back in March and they didn’t want to risk being late in case there were more layoffs to come. Thomas didn’t have to report to the Selkie until ten that night, but he went with them anyway. Mac was glad the three of them would be together as they rode the subway uptown. It would be fully dark by the time they got to the Bronx, and it was storming now, lightning slashing the sky every few minutes followed by loud booms of thunder. Dunleavy’s lights flickered. The air conditioner clicked off for a few seconds before kicking back on. Mac wanted to leave, too, since the next day was promised to be just as hot and tiring, but Sean wanted one more.

“That’s enough now,” Macdara said half an hour later, shaking his head slightly at Hilda when she lifted her eyebrows in question. “Marie comes home Friday. You’ll need to be ready.”

“But what will I do, Macdara?” Sean asked, suddenly glum.

“I don’t know, Sean. Day by day.”

“What if I don’t get work? I have these two baby girls now.”