Page 105 of All We Carry Home

“Be honest with me.” Kenneth stepped in front of my path.

“I told you I’m still in the race,” I said. “What more do you want?”

“I want what’s best for you.” He crossed his arms. “Are you in love with her?”

Love? I treasured each moment by her side, felt her absence so acutely. I looked forward to seeing her each morning and dreaded the end of the day when I left the ranch.

But our paths were on different axes. Her life was anchored here in Oregon. Mine was in Pennsylvania. How could we ever bridge the chasm between us? I could never ask her to give her life up, and if I abdicated the senatorial run, I might never have the chance again. What if we grew to resent each other?

“Look, we agreed I’d return in August.” I stepped around him. “I need at least that much time.”

He didn’t follow me. This complicated an already high-stakes day.

What did Eva think of this news? It killed me not to know, but I’d have to respect the space she wanted. She needed to focus on Phantom.

“Do I sense some conflict between you and your esteemed trainer?” Keith appeared beside me, leading his prized yearling. The horse’s chestnut coat gleamed in the sunlight.

“Worry about your own performance,” I said without pausing to humor him. “You don’t have the judges in your pocket today.”

“I will be there for Eva when you break her heart.”

That drew me to a stop. It wasn’t true—I wouldn’t break her heart.

Or would I?

Keith drew closer and lowered his voice. “We have a history that you can’t ignore, Captain. She’ll turn back to me once you’re gone.”

“You may have known her longer,” I said, turning and staring him down. He shrank back, something he’d probably learned from his domineering father. “But you overvalue your own worth if you think she holds you in such esteem.”

Anger flickered over his face.

The horse stomped the ground and snorted, and I took my leave.

If Keith suspected disharmony, things might be more dire than I thought. We had to get through the rest of this day, and perhaps I could smooth things over with Eva later.

I prayed she would hear me out.

Even if she did, my time was limited. This life would be another ghost of my past. My future was set on the halls of the Senate building in Washington, DC. That was where I’d make a difference. I’d already given my word. I couldn’t back down now.

Even if everything in my heart and soul pulled me in the opposite direction.

Twenty-Seven

Eva

Phantom sensed my unease as we walked around the warm-up arena. He pawed the ground, pushed me with his nose, and pulled against my hold. If I didn’t get my emotions in check, I’d squander this chance to elevate Phantom’s reputation and Birkstrom’s shot at new contracts.

Gramps had taught me countless times that I needed to put the chains of my past aside or they’d drag me down. Phantom, so burdened by his own history, was even more sensitive to my energy.

I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath. The world disappeared around me, and I felt the movements, anticipated Phantom’s behavior.

When I opened my eyes, I gave the young stallion a firm pull on the lead rope and backed him away to reestablish my control and assertiveness. He responded with a dip of his head, as we’d practiced. His ears twitched, his gaze focused back on me.

“That’s it,” I whispered to him. “Nothing else matters right now.”

This was why I found such refuge in horses. They didn’t care about my family, my mistakes, my flaws. They only cared about the moment, the attention you gave them, the next ride.

I ignored Keith entirely, brushing past him to line up for our class. My shoulders back, arms lifted, and chin raised. Every move practiced and polished to showcase the horse beside me.