Page 2 of Worst Wingman Ever

My sister was an adorable ADHD bundle of chaos. She was delicately pretty, thrifted every single thing she wore, always had a different hair color, and never committed to anyone, which seemed to make the male frenzy over her worse.

“How’s Grandma today?” she asked.

“The same. In good spirits.”

“And you?”

I shrugged. “I’m fine.”

I wasn’t really. I hadn’t been fine in a while.

I put my head in my hand and leaned against the window.

I was always really good at compartmentalizing what I did for a living. I think that was part of my gift. I had the compassion that the duties required, but also the ability to leave it behind the moment I stepped out the door.

Now when I left my assignment, I got in my car and cried. Because my assignment was to watch my grandmother die.

There was no way I wasn’t taking the job. I was a hospice nurse, the obvious choice. And it was an honor to be the one providing the bulk of her care. But it was so draining. I’d gone from a traumatic, unexpected breakup to a new city in a new apartment that still felt like a hotel to me, then right into Grandma’s diagnosis. And the responsibilities of it being family made it harder.

I was the one updating the CaringBridge page so the out-of-state cousins could follow her end-of-life journey. I was also planning a funeral with Mom. I didn’t get days off, and the never-ending caretaking was wearing me down. But I didn’t want days off, I wanted to be with Grandma. What I wanted was more time.

Time is such a precious thing. How you spend it, how you waste it. And it becomes even more valuable as the hourglass runs out, because you will never get more of it. I see it every day. The panic as the last grains of sand fall.

I think that’s why I was so bitter about Jeb. He wasted my time.

He also stole my neti pot, which for some reason pissed me off more than the cheating. He does not deserve clear sinuses.

“Here’s what we’re not gonna do today,” Jillian said. “We’re not gonna cry over some medium-ugly man with a receding hairline who left a four-in-one shampoo in your shower. You are a beautiful death goddess, do you hear me?”

“Death goddess. I need that on a T-shirt,” I mumbled.

“I’m coming over. We’re getting chocolate-wasted. And do not spiral deeper into your dark place. Get out of the car and touch some grass.”

I nodded even though she couldn’t see me.

We said goodbye and hung up.

I stared out at the spa in front of my car, at a big yellow sign advertising mud wraps and flotation tanks.

It would have been nice to get a card on my windshield today. One that was for me. But I had to accept that I wasn’t getting anything I wanted and wouldn’t be for a very long time.

John

CHAPTER 2

“You had literally ONE JOB.”

My brother, Frank, was standing next to my ladder.

“I’m sorry,” I said distractedly, looking at the wires hanging out of the hole in his living room ceiling. “Who knew there were so many white Hondas?”

“Now she thinks I didn’t get her anything.”

“I will tell her it’s my fault. I messed up, it’s on me. Did you do this? Is this electrical actually something that a human person put together? It looks like the work of a family of raccoons.”

“I’m not an electrician, I’m a dentist. That’s why I called you. You know, you gave a stranger my free sex coupon.”

I twisted to look at him. “That is what I delivered? Are you kidding me?”