Page 1 of Worst Wingman Ever

Holly

CHAPTER 1

There was an envelope taped to my windshield.

I immediately clicked on the door locks.

It was 3:00 p.m., and I was in the middle of my shift. I had to do a quick pharmacy run, and I figured now was the best time. Grandma’s bridge club was visiting, and the apartment was bursting at the seams. I didn’t like to leave my patient for long, even when she had guests, so I’d jogged to the car in a hurry and hadn’t noticed the card under the wiper until I was in the front seat.

I’d seen waaay too many cautionary videos about this exact situation: a kidnapper puts something on your car, you pause to look at it, and he grabs you while you’re distracted and takes you to be murdered. I was not getting unalived on Valentine’s Day, on principle. Some girl would be on YouTube three years from now, doing her makeup while she covered the chilling Valentine’s Day death of a local single Burbank nurse, who died because she didn’t have a boyfriend to walk her to her car. No, thank you. Kill me tomorrow.

I called my sister, Jillian, while I backed out of the space. She answered on the first ring. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Can you stay on the phone with me for a bit?” I caught a glimpse of a red heart sticker on the back of the envelope. “Someone put something creepy on my car.”

“Creepy how?”

“A card with hearts on it.”

“Oooohhh what if it’s from a secret admirer?”

I scoffed. “It’s not. Trust me.”

“No, seriously. What if—” She gasped. “What if it’s from Jeb?”

“I think I prefer the murderer.”

Jeb was my ex. We dated for two years and broke up three months ago after I found out that he’d been cheating for most of the relationship when I saw his picture in a local Are We Dating The Same Guy Facebook group. And yes. We’d alllll been dating the same guy.

“Want me to come meet you with a shank?” she asked.

“No. I’m running to the store. I’ll just pull up somewhere public and see what it is.”

I drove to the pharmacy, checking my rearview the whole way. I parked a few spots down, in front of the Kintsugi Day Spa. I was pretty sure I wasn’t being followed, but I still made quick work of snatching the card and jumping back into safety the second I got it.

It was a white envelope with a metallic-red heart sticker on the seal. I opened it up. A Scooby-Doo Valentine’s Day card that said “I Ruv You” on the front. The message inside was handwritten in black ink.

Andrea, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Have a great day at work. I love you, Happy Valentine’s Day.

Then there was a coupon, redeemable for “One Dicking Down” on the date and time of your choosing. No expiration.

I rolled my eyes and slid it back in the envelope.

“Well?” Jillian asked. “What is it?”

“It’s a love letter. And it’s not for me. Someone must have gotten the wrong car.”

“Awwww. That’s sweet. Kind of weird he doesn’t know what his girlfriend’s car looks like, though.”

I shoved it in the glove box. “So what did you do today?”

“I dodged suitors.”

“Ha.”

“I’m serious. I felt like a ninja. That guy who owns the wakeboard place brought me doughnuts, and I had to do the whole duck-and-roll thing behind the counter. I kinda hurt my shoulder. Can you look at it?”

“You know where I’ll be.”