Page 74 of Yours Truly

“It’s hard to find out that someone you love is fine with just setting your life on fire and walking away.”

I studied her face. “I know what you mean. Amy never even tried. We went to one therapy session. She walked out and that was it. Broke up with me.”

She blinked at me. “The same day?”

I nodded. “Same day. Never looked back.”

“What the hell happened in that therapy session?”

“I was honest about how unhappy I was.”

“And her response to that was to just give up?” She shook her head.

I looked away from her. “I felt betrayed for a really long time,” I said. “And then she started dating Jeremiah and I felt betrayed again. And then they got engaged—and I realized that I had surpassed my ability to be hurt more than I already had been.”

She went quiet for a moment. Then she looked over at me. “You know what I think about? I think about perfect matches. You know how with an organ donation a perfect match isn’t really perfect? There’s still a chance of rejection, even if all the stars align like they did for you and Benny. Nothing is ever perfect. There’s just matches that have a higher chance of working than others. Maybe you guys were like that. It could have worked, but you’d spend your whole life forcing it.”

“Maybe. You’re probably right.” I glanced at her. “What if your perfect match is out there? You’re not going to look?”

She scoffed. “It’s too late. I’m done. I’ve had enough heartache for a lifetime.” I held her gaze, but she turned away from me.

“Anyway. Is it sad that I want Amy to be jealous?” she asked. “Maybe I’m just projecting my own bitterness onto this, but I kind of want her to rue the day she let you go. We need to put out some serious Morticia and Gomez Addams vibes when I meet her. Like we can’t get enough of each other, like we stopped on the way over for a quickie.”

“I think she’s a little beyond caring what I’m doing at this point. But I appreciate your commitment.”

A door closed somewhere in the house. Stairs creaked and Benny came down the hall.

Briana lit up. “Hey, where you going?”

He stopped on the other side of the coffee table. “Justin’s. He got a PlayStation. Hi, I’m Benny,” he said to me with a small wave. “Nice to meet you.”

“Jacob. Nice to meet you.”

He looked better than he did the last time I saw him. He was still frail, but Briana was right, he seemed brighter, more put together.

It was a little strange looking at this person, knowing that in a few months he’d have one of my kidneys in his body. But I didn’t have too much time to ponder this because Briana scooted over and snuggled up next to me.

I couldn’t even breathe.

“We’re just gonna watch a movie or something,” she said, putting a hand on my chest. “Set the alarm if you come home after I’m in bed, okay?”

“’K. Later.” He nodded at us and left.

When he shut the door behind him, Briana tipped her head up to smile at me. “How was that? Was it good?” Her lips were very close to mine.

I cleared my throat. “It was good.”

“Yay!” she said brightly.

Then she moved away from me. “We need to practice touching before the Amy thing. That way we’re not all stiff and weird.”

“Right. Good idea.”

My heart was still pounding. The whole thing flung me into silence. Briana had rendered me mute, yet again.

I pretended I needed to eat my fries all of a sudden and leaned forward to grab them from the coffee table. We ate without talking while we watched TV and my heart rate finally stabilized.

After a few minutes, she finished her burger and put down her to-go container and wiped her hands with a napkin. Then she pulled her legs up to her chin and put her cheek on her knees and peered at me. “You know what these silences make me think of?” she said.