Page 79 of Life’s Too Short

I was slightly drunk. Jason had been making martinis.

Sloan ate the olive out of her drink. “God, it’s been so long since I had one of these. I’m still nursing.”

“A boy or a girl?” I asked.

She smiled. “Girl. Emma. She’s a year now.”

I looked at Kristen. “And you guys have, like, what? Four?”

“Yup. Oliver is five. Kimmie and Sarah are ten and twelve, and the baby’s one.”

I tucked a leg under me. “Wow, who’s watching all of them?”

Kristen snorted. “Jason’s mom. The woman’s a saint.” She put her drink on the coffee table and leaned in. “Okay, you have to tell me. How’s the penis? Is it big?”

Sloan groaned and sat back in her chair. “Oh God, the penis thing again.”

I looked back and forth between them. “What? What’s the penis thing?”

Sloan shook her head at her best friend. “They’re just friends. She hasn’t seen it. Leave her alone.”

I put up a hand. “Uh, no, wait, I’m here for this. What’s the penis thing?”

“She’s here for it, Sloan. Stay out of it.” Kristen smiled, sitting on the edge of the sofa.

Sloan rolled her eyes at her.

“Josh has this enormous penis and I have a theory it’s hereditary,” Kristen said.

My eyes darted to Adrian across the room. “Really?” I whispered.

Kristen nodded. “Yup.” Then she made a space between her hands to show me, and Sloan started choking on her drink.

Sloan shook her head at her best friend, coughing. “This is so not appropriate.”

Kristen blinked at her. “This is important research, Sloan.”

I nodded quickly. “I agree, further study is needed.”

Kristen laughed, and Sloan looked slightly horrified. I got the feeling flustering Sloan was one of Kristen’s hobbies. She seemed very good at it.

I sat back against the sofa. “I would love to explore the possibility of Adrian’s magic peen. But unfortunately he’s not into me.”

Kristen and Sloan shared a look.

I glanced back and forth between them. “What?”

Kristen leveled her eyes on me. “I don’t know what he tells you, but that dude’s whipped.”

Sloan was giving me a slow, wide-eyed nod.

I scrunched my forehead. “What? No.”

Kristen looked up over me. “He’s literally staring at the back of your head right now. He’s been staring at you all night.”

I looked sideways, but I didn’t turn around. “Is it like he’s watching a tennis match?” I whispered. “Like, his head goes this way and that way watching me walk around?”

Sloan nodded. “It’s exactly like he’s watching a tennis match. That’s really accurate, actually.”