Page 44 of Life’s Too Short

Gerald put his hands in his pockets and rocked jovially back on his heels. “So, Vanessa tells me you’re a lawyer.”

He smiled up at me like nothing was wrong. Like I hadn’t just lifted a dresser off him and we were running into each other in a Panera or something.

I couldn’t make small talk with him here, standing in this garbage pile. I was having a hard time breathing. Not just because of the smell, but because the room was so crowded with junk it was giving me anxiety. The floor under my feet was uneven. I was standing on blankets and balled-up socks and my head was too close to the ceiling. I felt claustrophobic.

“I’m sorry, excuse me. I need to step out.”

I left them standing there. I didn’t stop moving until I was outside again on the porch, gulping fresh air.

How the fuck had Vanessa grown up in this? I wouldn’t say my own childhood was without trauma, but this made me feel like calling my mom and thanking her.

Three minutes later I was still on the front porch when Vanessa came out and plopped down next to me on the weathered bench I’d retreated to by the screen door.

I shook my head. “Wow.”

She scoffed. “I prefer a four-letter word, but sure.”

I looked over at her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude back there. I just needed to get some air.”

She sighed. “It’s overwhelming, I know. Especially when you’re not used to it.”

“You’re used to this?”

“I’m used to a lot of shit.” She laughed a little mirthlessly. “I found a raccoon living in one of the closets one time. Once you realize you’re one open window and a hoarded bathroom away from living with trash pandas, the whole second half of your life begins.”

I laughed, even though it wasn’t funny.

She nudged my arm. “So, you still believe that whole ‘other families just do better PR’ thing?”

I snorted and shook my head at the yard. “Has he always been this way?”

She took a deep breath and blew it out in the cold air. “Pretty much. But this is honestly the worst it’s ever been,” she admitted. “It gets worse every time something big happens. Mom, Melanie. Annabel. I think it’s his way of dealing with it.”

She dug into the neck of her shirt and pulled out a yellow tube of Carmex.

I squinted at her. “Did you just pull that out of your bra?” I asked, watching her put it on.

“Yeah. Leggings don’t have pockets. Plus it gets cold and won’t squeeze from the tube unless I keep it somewhere warm. I call it my boob stick.” She smacked her lips. “Want some?” She held it out.

“No. I don’t like the way that stuff tastes.”

“Yeah, it’s kinda gross. But it makes your lips super soft.” She pressed her lips together again and put the tube back in her bra.

I dropped my eyes to her mouth for a flicker of a second. Her lips did look soft…

I looked away from her.

A car pulled into the driveway of the house across the street.

“Oh, so now he’s home,” she mumbled.

“Who?”

She rubbed her hands on her arms. “Brent. He lives there with his boyfriend, Joel.”

“How old’s your brother?”

“Twenty-one. Joel is too. They’re high school sweethearts. He’s been living over there since he was fifteen.”