Page 94 of Falling Back to You

“You first,” she said.

Dial was the type of person you could be friends with but truly never know. She had the ability to have you spill your guts while sharing nothing about herself. I called her the queen of the switcheroo. The goddess of the reverse Uno. I’d have to weave her feelings together like Rumpelstiltskin. She hadn’t always been like this, but when she was deep into her postpartum depression, she’d expressed her fears and frustrations, and I thought that in Dial’s mind, her honesty was used against her. So now she was selective about what she chose to share.

“My dad is exacting, and it’s his way or no way,” I said. “And I’m just tired of having to fall in line.”

“Have you told him that?”

I flashed a side-eye. “How do you think he’d take it? Shit, at the party he threatened to rock my jaw just for voicing my opinion.”

“About what?”

We were having a good day, and bringing up Texas would kill the vibe. Plus, I still needed a plan. I didn’t want to come to Dial with this problem until I had a solid solution I could present along with it. “Typical ranch drama. Varying opinions about the expansion. Now you. Why are you doubting yourself?”

Her eyes narrowed and she pursed her lips. She was probably weighing whether she should press me further or let my vague statement slide. She chose the latter. “You know the feeling of never being enough? Comparing myself to my mom, who raised three kids, worked, and had a thriving social life. She made it all look so easy.”

“I bet if you asked her, she’d tell you it wasn’t.”

“Raising Maple will probably be the most important thing I ever do, and I just don’t want to mess it up.”

“News flash: you’re bound to mess some parts of it up, and so will I. They really should give every parent a manual called How Not to Emotionally Damage Your Child for Life and Break the Cycle of Generational Trauma at the hospital.”

“If they had, mine would be dog-eared and annotated.”

The day we brought Maple home, Dial had fussed over every detail: Maple’s going-home outfit, the position of the car seat, ensuring it was secure. As I exited the hospital parking lot, she cussed every time I went over a speed bump, even though I was driving fifteen miles per hour with my hazard lights on as we made our way back to the ranch with our precious cargo. When we got home, we were inundated with family all wanting a glimpse of the newest arrival. Looking back on it now, having everyone over was a mistake. But my mother was always looking for a reason to entertain.

And honestly, I had been just as scared as Dial and relieved to be greeted by our mothers at the front door. Babies were foreign to me, and Maple seemed so small and fragile. I wanted to protect her and at the same time was fearful I’d be the one to hurt her. But as the weeks turned into months, I adopted a routine. Dial, however, seemed to have a harder time at it.

“Maple was right last night,” she said now. “Part of me doesn’t believe I deserve happiness. I get happy adjacent, good health, a career I’m passionate about, a family that supports me. But anything more is just out of reach.”

“Dial, you’ve always been so hard on yourself. While everyone around you was marveling over how amazing you were, all you could focus on were the times you missed the mark. You could have anything you wanted if you just got out of your own way. It’s time we both stop pining over the life we thought we’d have and start living the one we do.”

She was the only person I knew with a thirty-year life plan at fifteen. It was color-coded, important milestones highlighted in green, which was her favorite color. I figured that as life handed her lemons, she’d grown tired of the taste of lemonade. Dial’s accomplishments were impressive, but for her, the wins underperformed compared to her dreams.

“Look what I found.” Maple presented a rock to her mother.

“Wow, this is really smooth,” Dial said. “If you can find a few more, we could paint them and put them in the backyard.”

Maple’s face lit up and she called over her shoulder as she ran back to the river’s edge, “I’m gonna find a bunch!”

“Are you heading out of town Monday?” Dial asked me.

“Yep, off to Texas. I’m going to walk the land with the contractor and review the building plans. I might have some more travel dates to share with you shortly.” We had so many things to sort out, and construction was set to begin in a few weeks.

“Fancy and Edison are taking Maple to the movies tonight, one last birthday gift. I can drop her off if you want.”

“I’m sure you have a ton to catch up on, with homework and such.”

Dial rolled her eyes at the mention of her academic responsibilities. “Maybe… erm… we could drop her off together, and grab a drink after.”

Leaning forward, I brushed her locs from her face. “Are you asking me on a date?”

“A cheapo date… but yes.”

“I would love to go out with you tonight, Dial.”

She giggled, her nose crinkling. “This feels like high school all over again.”

“So you feel it too, the butterflies?”