Page 74 of Falling Back to You

“Ozzie’s usually in bed by eight o’clock at night,” Dial replied. “I don’t think he could keep up.”

“Whoa, speak for yourself,” I said. “Yeah, I usually hit the hay early, but that’s only because there’s nothing to do.”

“That’s the great thing about Gainsborough—it’s a party town,” Sheila added.

“When did you two become night owls, prowling the streets for a good time?” Dial asked.

“Since our kids are grown and our bills are paid. The nightlife here is invigorating,” Sheila said. Her face lit up. “We should get dressed up and go out tonight. Joe and I can take you to some of our favorite spots.”

“Momma, we don’t have going-out attire.”

Sheila examined our outfits. “Oz is fine, and you can borrow something from my closet. I think I still have those electric-blue hot pants.”

“I’m not wearing hot pants.”

“Well, then a dress, perhaps. You can show off your legs.”

“Ozzie’s been driving for close to eight hours. I’m sure he’d prefer to pull out the couch, jump into his PJs, and watch Naked and Afraid.”

“I’m feeling fine,” Ozzie said. “In fact, dinner’s given me a second wind. I’m ready to get into some stuff, start a bar fight, hug a stranger while singing ‘Sweet Caroline.’”

“I hope you’d do none of those things,” Dial said.

“Dial, stop being the responsible one and go cruising with your folks.”

“It’s up to you.” She deferred to me with a shrug.

“I follow your lead, remember? So I’m down for whatever.”

“Okay, yes.” She pointed a warning finger in her mother’s direction. “As long as you don’t style me to look like a street walker.”

Sheila clapped her hands. “Well then, I guess it’s settled. We’re going dancing on a random weekday?”

Dial’s mouth pressed into a thin line. She used to chase a quick thrill but now clung to routine, work, dinner with Maple, more work, sleep.

“You men can clear the table while Dial and I get ready. We’re gonna show you how it’s done in Gainsborough.” Sheila grabbed Dial’s hand and twirled out of the room.

Sheila wasn’t lying—we hit up three spots during our Gainsborough bar crawl. We were currently at a club with disco balls hanging from the ceiling, casting a sparkle-filled hue over every surface. I’d thought I knew all there was to know about Joe and Sheila Birch, but apparently they were party animals and certified freaks.

“Is this a swingers’ club? Did your parents bring us to a swingers’ club?” I asked Dial.

“There is no way this is just a regular club in which everyone just seems really horny.”

“Do you think they know what this place is?”

“God, I hope not. I don’t want to think of my parents in this way.”

At the door they’d asked if we were a couple. When I said no, we were given green wristbands while Sheila and Joe received red ones. I was floating with a nice buzz, but even several drinks in I knew that had to be code for something.

“Listen, I know I’m just a country boy, but this is some Eyes Wide Shut shit if I’ve ever seen it.”

“It’s probably just a seventies-inspired nightclub.”

“With dick straws?” I took a sip through the flesh-toned plastic dick.

“If you’re uncomfortable with your sexuality, just say so,” Dial teased.

“Very funny. I hate to break it to you, but your mom and dad may be swingers.”