Page 49 of Falling Back to You

“Dial was just using me for…” Maybe it was best not to admit I was still actively fucking his sister. “Using me for… my… resources. And for the longest time, I was okay with that. Normally I’m a glutton for punishment, but I think it’s time I tapped out.” I’d thought she and I were evergreen—shit, I had her name tattooed on my chest. “You know how I feel about your sister.”

“Yeah, you love—”

“I love the fuck outta her, and she… she can’t be bothered.”

Cy nodded. “I think she still blames you for how shit went down.”

Those words were like a kick to the ribs. Not a day went by when I didn’t second-guess my decision or recall the look in Dial’s eyes, as if I’d personally stabbed her in the back. Parenthood changes you, but what Dial was going through was something else entirely.

“Was I wrong?” I asked, pleading for reassurance.

“No. It was a weird time. I barely recognized my sister, and it scared me. What you did saved her, and I’ll always be grateful.”

We both drank to that.

After Maple was born, shit changed, and I’m not talking about three a.m. feedings or baby toys scattered all over the house. Dial changed—she was irritable, more than normal, and she was sad during what should’ve been one of the happiest times of our lives. Initially, I chalked it up to anxiety over being a new mom, because I was also skittish about holding or feeding Maple, afraid I was gonna break her. But for Dial it wasn’t just first-baby jitters—it ran much deeper than that.

I’d told myself I just needed to step up, be a better father and partner, and take the difficult tasks off her plate. But eventually I had to return to work, one week in Hume, the next on the road. That left Dial with the sole responsibility to care for Maple. Things got worse. We were in our early twenties, and Maple wasn’t planned, although she was welcomed. Dial wasn’t happy I thought it was because of me, because I was failing for her in some way, but later we’d learn it was something we’d never even considered.

“Can I pick your brain on something?” I asked.

“Shoot,” Cyrus said.

“You know Palmer Ranch is expanding and opening a facility in Texas.”

“Yeah, I remember you mentioning it.” We’d ordered Louisiana rub wings, and he snagged a few.

“My dad wants me to oversee the day-to-day operations until the place is up and running.”

“How long will that take?”

“A year, maybe more. But I think his ultimate plan is for me to be in Texas full time.”

“Kinda makes commuting difficult.”

“Exactly.” Standing up to my dad wasn’t a skill I possessed. I was a grown man, but when he was in the room, I reverted to a chubby twelve-year-old who just wanted to get it right on the first try so he didn’t yell at me. “I can’t be away from Maple for months at a time. Do you know how much of her life I’d miss? She could lose a tooth or need an ouchy kissed. And who’s gonna read to her at night and act out all the character voices?”

“Maybe Dial—”

“No, absolutely not. She doesn’t put on the funny voices. You’re reading a book about a llama, for fuck’s sake. Why does he sound like a forty-year-old divorced dad of two who lives in an apartment and eats lukewarm TV dinners?”

“It could just be her interpretation of the source material.”

“He’s supposed to be whimsical. It’s a talking llama who’s friends with a little girl.”

“Okay, maybe you could call in for story time.”

“It’s not just that. We’re in a weird place right now. And it would be wrong for me to ask her to be both Mommy and Daddy while I’m gone. Dial works so hard, and she deserves to be supported, not burdened. I’m not gonna do that to her. I won’t.”

“Then you need to man up and talk to Ernest.”

Conversations with my father consisted of “yes, sir” and “no, sir.” “When Fancy and I were coming up, our dad traveled all the time. Shit, there were a few years where he was on the road more than he was home.”

“I remember.”

“He’s not going to pat me on the back and tell me he understands. Ernest is not like your dad. I was so jealous of you growing up because he was always around. Your father taught me more life lessons than my own.”

“What’s one more kid when you already have three tagging along?”