Page 43 of Falling Back to You

“I didn’t start that. Actually, you did… bringing up Oz.”

“I was just making conversation.”

“You were being messy and hoping I’d join you.”

Reese launched into a funny story about Melodie, and I listened politely. We were thirty and my entire life still felt like high school. That was part of living in a small town: the kids you went to high school with ended up being the adults you mingled with. This housewarming was reminiscent of the kickbacks we’d hosted in our teenage years. Back then, parties were located at vacant properties or abandoned barns.

“I don’t know what I’m doing. Or what I want anymore.” My words were mainly addressed to my reflection in the mirror, barely above a whisper.

“That’s normal. Maybe you’ve been mad at Oz for so long that you’ve lost the plot.”

I spun around, my gaze loaded with daggers. “No, he betrayed me. I trusted him and he wasn’t on my side.”

“But you weren’t…”

“Say it.”

“You weren’t exactly you, Dial. I don’t think you remember how bad it got.”

“I fucking remember everything. And I know that when it was time to take a side, he should’ve been on mine.”

To suggest I was misremembering the severity of my situation felt like an insult. It was all I thought about, the things I’d done and said. The way a child that came from me felt like an alien. How overwhelming all the advice was, with everyone having an opinion on how to get her to properly latch, or the best way to swaddle and burp her. And the fatigue I experienced, down to my bones. Some days I was so exhausted that the prospect of moving from the bed to the couch seemed daunting. I had a whole new life to take care of, and for unknown reasons I was falling apart. I’d always been so strong, and it felt like my mind and body had picked the birth of my baby as the right time to fail me.

“Okay, okay, I hear you. But why don’t you have any smoke for Cyrus, Edison, or your folks?”

“Because it was supposed to be me and Oz against the whole fucking world. And he let me stand there alone while you guys told me what a horrible person I was.” My voice wavered as I tried to steady it.

“You weren’t a horrible person. You were just sick.”

I gripped the lip of the counter like it was the only thing holding me together. Staring at the ceiling, I blinked quickly, willing the tears to stay put a little bit longer. “It’s just different with him because… it’s different. I can’t really explain it. It just is.”

Reese stood in front of me and grabbed my hands. “Dial, I love you like a sister, and I want nothing more than for you to be happy. And I think hating the one man you love more than anyone aside from Maple is counterproductive.”

“I tried, Reese. If everyone else is sick of hearing about Ozzie and me, how do you think I feel? I don’t want to revisit this particular story. We’re over, and the sooner everyone accepts it, the better.”

“Your actions don’t exactly match your words. Yes, Ozzie is always doing the most, but you keep giving him cause to.”

I hated sensible Reese. She was the least fun to be around, always holding me accountable and reminding me of the promises I made.

“Two things can exist at once. I can fuck Oz on a whim and still affirm we’re never getting back together.”

“That feels more like a lie, but okay.”

There was another knock at the door, and we both shouted, “Go away.”

When I challenged Evan to an ax-throwing match, I’d consumed several glasses of alcohol and was feeling feisty. I never imagined he’d charge at me, screaming and pointing in my face. His reaction caught me off guard because it wasn’t that serious. Ozzie stepping in shifted the interaction into overdrive. His deep, intimidating voice was at top volume, and his hands were balled into fists ready to strike.

And I relished every fucking second of it. Witnessing Evan cower on the grass while Oz defended my honor sent shock waves to my lady parts. This right here was why people didn’t fuck with us, and why I was perpetually single. Ozzie and I enabled one another. Not saying it was healthy, but it was just our way.

I did my best to suppress the wicked smile curving the corners of my mouth. From my vantage point, I was also able to witness Melodie as the stark realization settled in that dating Oz would always include this: his cussing someone out or threatening to beat someone bloody over me. I almost felt sorry for old girl, but the heart wants what it wants, and Ozzie’s heart, for good or bad, was tied to mine.

Shelton came running from the house, pulling me into a hug. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“That guy is such an asshole.” He glanced over at the scene of Evan dusting himself off. “Looks like they have it handled.”

“Looks like.”