Page 25 of Falling Back to You

“I was in the area a few days ago and saw it open for business. Been meaning to stop by. Maybe, after Maple’s lesson, we could all swing over and get some peaches. We could even grab a bite to eat?”

“No.” Picking peaches and enjoying a meal was a couple activity, or at the very least something shared between friends. Oz and I were neither.

“We all have to eat, Dial.”

“Yes, but not together.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to give Maple any ideas. Or you, for that matter.”

“You think I have ideas?”

“Designs, yes.”

“Hmm.” He turned back to the lesson, but I knew he was ruminating on a counterargument.

Living in Hume, it was easy to go down in infamy—one wrong decision, and it became the yardstick everyone measured you by. Ozzie and our on-again, off-again relationship was my yardstick. Which was probably why it was so hard to see past him. This wasn’t moving on—it was standing still and hoping someone rescued me.

I was my own worst enemy, because even as I thought about turning over a new leaf, my body came alive at the thought of his touch. My nipples pebbled and my kitty pulsated as images of him fucking me played like a highlight reel in my head. Oz’s dick was the perfect distraction. Having a bad day, just paid your taxes, on the outs with your best friend? Just open wide and let Ozzie pound away your worries.

“Oz…” I kept my tone soft in the hopes of lessening the impending blow.

He scrubbed his face. “Oh God, you’re about to say something to piss me off.”

“I don’t like the way we ended things last night. There’s still stuff left unsaid.” We needed to have this conversation now, before I lost my nerve. “Have you ever thought that maybe we’re both still single because we can’t let one another go?”

“Maybe there’s a reason for that.”

“Ozzie, I wanna meet a nice fella and get married someday. I can’t do that if every time I try, you cock-block me.”

“Cock-block?” he practically shouted, prompting me to confirm there was no one nearby eavesdropping. “Are you referring to Shelton? Shelton isn’t the dude you marry. You would rip his mealy mouth to shreds.”

“Okay, not Shelton, but someone.”

“That’s your problem, Dial. You keep looking for shit that’s right in front of you.”

I wasn’t gonna let a high school crush—that had lasted way too long—dictate how the rest of my life played out. “We’re not good together. We don’t know how to love each other properly.”

“You can’t judge our potential based on the decisions we made when we were twenty-one.”

We’d had conversations similar to this on several prior occasions, with me telling him it was over and him trying to convince me how much he loved me. Which, for the record, I never doubted, but growing up is accepting that sometimes love isn’t enough. “I know I’ve said this dozens of times, but I want a real chance at a life.” Averting my eyes, I continued, “And I don’t see my life including you… not in that way.”

I’d rehearsed this very line in the mirror this morning, but standing in front of him now, the words felt like choking down a spoonful of medicine, necessary and unpleasant all at once. There was this traitorous part of my heart quietly screaming at me to stop, to wait, to see if he would reach across the space between us and finally give me one good reason to take him back.

“Hmm.” He sniffed, biting down on his lower lip.

“You deserve love too, and chasing woulda, shoulda, couldas isn’t gonna give you that.”

“I’m not saying I’m the only man that can make you happy. But I know…” Ozzie’s shoulders slumped and his neck went slack. “I know I could make you happy.”

If only it were that simple. “This doesn’t feel like happiness. It feels like codependency.”

I kept my voice steady and lifted my chin, wearing the calm demeanor like armor, because if I let even one crack show, I knew I’d crumble into the version of myself that still believed we could somehow be enough for each other.

When he didn’t argue, didn’t reach for my hand, didn’t beg me to reconsider for the millionth time, I felt the silence settle over me like a verdict. I was well versed in the act of mourning things that were still standing right in front of me.

His alarm rang, but he just stood there worrying his bottom lip.