Page 75 of Light Up My Life

It was dim in the square, and I hadn’t been able to pick out where Ryan was sitting even though I’d tried at different points throughout the night. I had analyzed and reanalyzed our interaction from earlier, how my brother had treated him. I wondered if there was something more I should’ve said or done. It already felt like what I had said bothered Marcus. I wondered if what I hadn’t said bothered Ryan. I couldn’t win here.

“You have your thinking face on,” Fiona whispered.

I sighed, then tried to talk as quietly as possible. “Yeah, Marcus was really rude to Ryan earlier, and I feel bad. But this year is supposed to be about making sure Marcus has the best Christmas of his life so it’s hard to tell him that he was out of line. I tried, but he seemed upset. And if I tell him why he really needs to stop acting the way he is, my whole family will freak out, including him, and it will ruin everything.”

“Yeah … that sucks,” Fiona said. “You just have to lie low until after Christmas, right?”

“Yes.”

“You can do that. Easy.”

“Right. And then I can blow up my family?”

“But at least it won’t be Christmas so the blowup will be more bearable.”

I held back a laugh. When she said it like that it sounded stupid. Obviously, whenever I told them, it was going to be hard. But I still stood by the fact that waiting until after the holidays was a solid choice.

Or maybe I wouldn’t have to tell them anything at all. Maybe my brother had made Ryan realize that he didn’t want any part of this. Of me. Of my family. A lump rose in my throat.

I was thinking those thoughts when someone sitting closer to the screen stood and headed for the public bathrooms, which were across the street by the park. Even though it was dim and hard to see details, I knew it was Ryan. The way he walked, the shape of his shoulders. How did I already know these things about him? I focused on the people he had left behind. Were those his parents? That was harder to tell because they were sitting down and it was just the backs of heads. But it was definitely more than two people. So maybe his friends? My eyes shot back to his retreating form.

“That him?” Fiona asked.

“Yes.”

“Go talk to him. Tell him your brother is an idiot.”

My attention went to Harris, who was hugging his knees to his chest, resting his chin on them, completely engrossed in the movie.

“I’ll watch him,” Fiona said.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course.”

I squeezed her arm. “Thank you.”

“You know I have a soft spot for Ryan. He helped me with my first stab at social art. I hope he can help me with my next one.”

“What does that mean?”

“You’ll see.”

I’d ask her about that later. I had a limited amount of time to catch Ryan before he came back and we’d be surrounded by all the prying eyes of pretty much every single person we knew.

I could see him cross the street, walking toward the redbrick building. The bathrooms faced the park, which was on the other side. I made it around the corner just as a door on the far end closed. The park was empty, coated in a layer of snow from the second storm that had rolled through. It was noticeably colder over here, away from the heaters and the warm bodies packed together in the square.

I walked to the play structure closest to the bathrooms, a series of bridges and slides hidden from the town square, and swept away some snow from one of the steps.

By the time I was done and sat down, the door opened, and Ryan stepped out. He didn’t see me. His gaze was on his path out of there. His expression was serious, almost hard.

“Hey!” I called.

His eyes darted to me, and immediately his face lit up with a smile. It made me smile. Then he changed his direction, heading my way. “You’re missing the movie.”

“I’ve seen it before,” I said. “I know what happens.”

He reached me and stood so close to where I sat that my knees bumped his thighs.