Page 40 of All Yours

‘Or turn her volume down?’ George requested.

‘I’m sorry,’ Robyn said, using her foot to bounce Willow while she filled their breakfast bowls. ‘But she’s not feeling too well and she’s making sure I know it. The only way she can communicate is by crying.’

Robyn laid a hand on Willow’s forehead, checking the temperature. She didn’t seem overly hot, but she was so fretful.

‘What can I do, bubs?’ she asked, but Willow just returned her gaze with sad-looking eyes and a quivering lip. Robyn’s heart hurt.

‘Have you tried Calpol?’ Fox asked, coming in behind her. ‘Miracle medicine for kids.’

‘Yup.’ Robyn straightened and yawned. ‘I’ve tried everything. I think she’s teething.’

‘Quite young to teethe, isn’t she? The boys didn’t start until they were five months. But I guess everyone is different.’

Robyn pressed her lips together to keep her silence, remembering that Fox thought Willow a month younger than she actually was.

‘Got a teething ring?’ Fox asked and she held up a selection secreted in the bouncy chair, proffering one to the baby. Willow grasped it and hungrily rammed it into her mouth, mouthing frantically before throwing it away and beginning once again to cry. Robyn sighed and scooped her up, checking the time on the kitchen clock.

‘Ten minutes, boys,’ she said. ‘I need you to get your shoes on.’

The boys didn’t need asking twice, taking it as an excuse to get away from the noise. They scarpered.

Robyn bounced the baby gently against her shoulder, and felt a quiet desperation start to creep in. As she buried her face against Willow’s soft head, she was mortified to find her eyes fill with tears. She was at the end of her tether.

‘Have you had any sleep?’ Fox asked quietly.

She bit her lip before speaking, not wanting him to hear the shake in her voice.

‘Not a lot.’

‘Have you had a break?’

She laughed, but it broke. ‘I tried to go to yoga yesterday, but they called me out halfway through because she was so upset in the crèche.’

Fox scrunched his nose up sympathetically.

‘It’s hard, isn’t it? Sometimes. Being a single parent.’

A sob blocked her throat, one that she would not allow to escape. She swallowed, hard. She hadn’t expected him to understand, but of course he did. He’d been through it himself.

‘Try and get a nap while the boys are at school,’ he said, putting something white in the freezer. ‘If she’ll let you. There’s nothing on the list for today that can’t wait.’

She nodded, not trusting herself to talk. He checked his watch and was gone, calling goodbye to the boys as he went to the study.

Four hours later, Robyn was hanging on by a thread. Willow was overtired. Her cheeks were red, she was constantly drooling and she was still crying. Robyn had reached a point way past tired and emotional, but she had to prepare some dinner and plan the first session of forest school. There was nothing for it. She had to put Willow down and get on with some things. She had a job to do after all. She put a bundle of clothes in the washing machine then positioned the baby in her chair nearby, taking her own spot at the kitchen table. Willow kicked her little feet in misery, crying big wet tears while Robyn cried too.

Tears ran from her chin as she chopped vegetables and marinated some chicken in herbs, but as she started folding the laundry, she realised that Willow was quietening down. Robyn glanced over to see the baby’s eyes getting heavy as she watched the constant churn and turn of the clothes in the washing machine in front of her. The gentle whoosh of the water seemed to hold her attention. Her eyes drooped. Robyn hardly dared breathe as she watched. Willow’s eyes unfocused, her head nodded, her little fists uncurled and she finally, finally, fell asleep. Robyn felt an overwhelming relief which brought with it a fresh spring of tears to her eyes. Quietly, gently, Robyn laid her head on the soft, clean laundry before her and closed her eyes. Just for a minute or two.

Robyn woke with a start, disorientated, thick with fatigue. How long had she been there? She sat upright, rubbing her eyes, brain scrabbling to catch up. The kitchen clock said 2.45 p.m. Oh God, she must have passed out. She’d been asleep for more than an hour. She had to get herself together. She needed to pick the boys up soon. She glanced to see if Willow was still sleeping.

She wasn’t there.

Robyn stood. The baby bouncer was there, but the baby wasn’t.

She shook her head, trying desperately to make sense of anything. But the panic rising in her throat was blocking out all rational thought. Think, goddammit. Willow couldn’t walk out on her own. Correction, Willow couldn’t even crawl, let alone walk. The only way that Willow had moved was if someone had moved her.

‘Fox,’ she called, but her voice was hoarse from sleep and didn’t come out loud enough. She opened the kitchen door and shouted again. ‘Fox!’ This time it came out exactly as she felt, loud, urgent, worried. She was already running towards his office when he replied.

‘In here.’