Page 10 of All Yours

Although, of course it wasn’t. For her. How could it be with Willow there?

She scooped Willow up and returned to the window, seeing the baby turn her eyes upwards to the sky, as she often did, watching the clouds overhead. Robyn bit her lip.

She couldn’t have told Fox, not then and there in the Lit Lounge, that he was a father – again. It wouldn’t have been right. But perhaps this opportunity was more about Willow than it was about her. Maybe this was Robyn’s chance to see what kind of father Fox actually was. To observe him and make the right decision for her daughter. Maybe she’d find a way to tell him the truth, if it was for all the right reasons. She would wait, and watch.

She’d have to know that he would be an active part of Willow’s life going forward, in order to even formally introduce them in the first place. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be worth the heartache for her daughter. And she would protect her daughter at all costs.

She knew first hand how some men couldn’t handle commitment. After all, it had been Finn on one knee asking her to marry him after five years together. It had been him that had planned the proposal and bought the ring. It was all his doing. And yet, he still couldn’t handle the commitment when the day came.

It was all so clear to Robyn, even now. Wren had been holding her hand in excitement outside the church. Everything had gone to plan so far: the dress fit perfectly, the taxi was on time. Even her hair, which usually had a mind of its own, had decided today was going to be a good hair day. She arrived at the church steps, her chest pounding, her cheeks aching with her smile. But then the vicar put his head around the door, and held up his hand to wait. Apparently, the only thing missing from this dream scenario was Finn, who hadn’t arrived yet. Panic flashed through Robyn as she imagined the probable scenarios, hoping he was okay. Traffic jam on the high street? A flat tyre? He wasn’t the handiest man. He’d need help changing the wheel. She bit her lip nervously.

‘What’s a couple of minutes’ wait before a whole married life?’ Wren whispered as the vicar ducked back into the church.

‘If he’s overslept, I’ll kill him!’ Robyn said with a forced laugh.

The minutes ticked by as slowly as hours. Her white dress started to feel constrictive, the bodice too tight, the skirt too heavy as her breathing became shallower and her imagined scenarios started to run out of control. What if Finn had been in an accident? What if he was on his way to hospital right now, this minute, wearing a suit and a buttonhole, while she wasted time here on the church steps?

‘Have you got your mobile phone with you?’ Robyn had asked Wren, just wanting to hear his voice.

‘Where would I stash that in this outfit?’ Wren had rolled her eyes, pointing at her sleek silk bridesmaid dress which fell straight to the floor.

‘Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s just the car,’ Wren continued, squeezing Robyn’s fingers. ‘Maybe he’s broken down on one of the back roads?’ Robyn could hear the doubt in her bridesmaid’s voice, the same doubt that was starting to creep into her stomach too.

It was thirty minutes later when the vicar reappeared in the doorway of the church with a grave look on his face, one more apt for a funeral than a wedding. The edges of her vision darkened, but still she held her bouquet ready and her spine straight.

‘I’m so sorry, Ms Wells. We’ve had a call. A message was left to say that the groom would not be coming.’

Robyn felt as though her heart had tumbled out of her chest, leaving behind a hollow space – a void – something black and empty.

‘Perhaps you’d like to wait in the side room whilst the guests exit the church?’

She heard Wren gasp beside her and she reached to hold on to her to stop herself from falling. It was over. Finn wasn’t coming.

Robyn snapped herself out of the memory of the worst day of her life. The day Finn showed her that men couldn’t be relied on. She would never want her daughter to go through anything even remotely similar. Rejection, or abandonment. And that included waiting for a phone call or any sort of contact from a father who didn’t want her, or a father that in any way made her feel second best to the family he already had. She would rather spare Willow the hurt and bring her up solo. She could be all the family that Willow needed. Robyn rocked her gently and was rewarded with a smile which melted her heart.

The knock at the bifold doors made her jump. Two small faces had their noses pressed to the glass and a dog wagged its tail enthusiastically between them. Fox appeared hurriedly behind them, phone now out of sight. She opened the door.

‘I told them to wait,’ he said, panting slightly. ‘But they’re keen to meet you.’ He smiled and ran a hand through his hair. ‘And Willow of course.’

Robyn felt a stab of guilt as the boys jumped up and down on the spot, their eyes glued to the baby. It wasn’t just Fox that she was keeping her secret from. These two curly haired boys were half-brothers to her daughter, and they didn’t even know it. She pushed the thought to the back of her mind. If it was right, she would tell them all. She would. But until she knew for definite, Willow was better off the way things were. Just the two of them.

‘Hi, boys,’ she said instead, bending to their level. ‘Now, who’s who?’

The older boy thumbed his chest. ‘I’m Reggie. I’m seven.’ He’d lost a front tooth, and his voice lisped through the gap.

The smaller one, who was clutching a bear, removed his thumb from his mouth only long enough to say, ‘And I’m George,’ before plugging it back in.

‘Well, I’m Robyn,’ she said with a genuine smile, turning the baby to face them. ‘And this is Willow.’

They beamed.

‘Everything okay in here?’ Fox said, indicating the pool house.

‘Perfect, thank you.’ Robyn straightened, looking again at the soft fabrics, the wall-mounted television, the pillows and throws. ‘It’s luxury compared to some of the places I’ve worked. Actually, all of the places I’ve worked!’

‘We only moved in last month. Just in time for George to start school. I’m still working out what is where,’ Fox said, grinning. ‘Some bits just got moved straight from the loft in the old house into the loft here. But I’ll get round to it, eventually.’

Robyn nodded, thinking it had only taken her ten minutes to unpack all of her worldly possessions. She and Willow travelled light. It was the only way to move easily.