Page 81 of Jinx

Twelve steps to the vending machine. Pivot. Twelve steps back.

My gut twisted with a nauseating cocktail of fear and guilt. I’d said such terrible things to her, and even though she knew they were born of fear and anger, I still never apologized for saying them. Now I may never get the chance.

We’d all felt her panic like a knife. Bellamy dove for the nearest patch of shadow only to find his ability out of reach. Moments later came the pain. A horrible, sucking ache like our chests were being carved out, so much worse than when she had that charmed necklace on. My heartstring had pulled so taut I thought for sure it would break. We hadn’t known what she was doing, but her fear and desperation made it obvious that it had needed to be done.

I leaned against the wall next to Lucian and slid down to the floor. The bond between Cordelia and me felt fraught with tension. I reached for it, trying to send something—anything—that might convey my remorse.

“Fuck coffee, I need a drink,” Lucian muttered to no one in particular, but he continued to hold a styrofoam cup of the pungent brew under his nose while his other hand twirled that damn pen.

Alaric barely glanced up from his phone. “Deal with it.” The sharp words betrayed his own state of mind. He was teetering on the edge too.

I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes until I saw stars. Every time I closed them, I saw flashes of her, and every time it flayed me. Laughing over breakfast, standing up to the Alphas. I couldn’t even enjoy the stolen memory of her coming all over my brother’s face.

“This is bullshit.” I pushed back to my feet, knees shaking. “They can’t just keep ignoring us.”

Like she was summoned by my waning patience, a nurse bustled by with a clipboard clutched to her chest. I intercepted, stepping directly into her path.

“Excuse me.” I tried and failed to keep the growl out of my voice. “We’ve been waiting for hours for an update on our friends who were brought in from the apartment explosion. Cordelia Grace and Reimund Karhu.”

The nurse plastered on a smile that didn’t reach her tired eyes. “I understand your concern, but as I told your friend earlier—” she nodded toward Alaric “—we can only release information to immediate family. Hospital policy.”

“We are their family,” I insisted, hands clenching into fists at my sides.

Her smile tightened. “Unless you have documentation or a signed release form⁠—”

My control snapped. “Tell me she’s alive!” I barked. “That’s all I’m asking. Just tell me she’s alive.”

She flinched and took a small step back. “Sir, I really don’t have any information for you. The doctors are still assessing the situation. When there’s news, someone will come speak with you.”

The lie dragged over my skin like rusty barbed wire. I could feel my beast rising, waiting just under the surface. If I wasn’t going to take control of this situation, then he was more than ready to step in. I had to get out of here. I had to find her. I had to do something. Before I could give the nurse any more reasons to call security, a heavy hand landed on my shoulder.

“Hey.” Bellamy squeezed firmly. “Let’s take a walk. Clear our heads.” He steered me away before I could make the situation worse, nodding to the nurse in apology as we went. I let him guide me out of the waiting room and into a quiet corridor before I shoved him away.

“They’re lying,” I spat and tore at my hair. “They know exactly what’s going on.”

“Of course they do.” Bel’s easy agreement surprised me. “But threatening the staff isn’t going to get us answers. It’ll get us thrown out.”

I slammed my fist into the wall, welcoming the sharp burst of pain that shot up my arm. Pain was something I could handle—this suffocating uncertainty was not. “I can’t just sit here. My beast is too close. We’re spiraling, Bel.”

I hated admitting it. I hated being weak and vulnerable. And more than anything, I hated that guilty look in my brother’s eyes.

“I know,” he said in a soft tone. “So let’s be smart about it. What can we control?”

“Lucian.” The answer seemed obvious. “He can charm the room numbers out of someone at the desk.”

My twin considered this, nodding. “He could. We still need to be subtle about it, though.”

“I don’t care about subtle.” My voice broke, and I went back to pacing. “We just need to—I can’t⁠—”

I was losing my grip, my gryphon’s animal instincts overriding everything. He forced me to remember the last time we were terrified and helpless. The rough rope, the red-hot blade, the metallic tang of blood. And the screams. We’d screamed for hours. For days.

Now he felt that threat again, and my rational mind had no power over him. I wasn’t even sure I could suppress a shift if he decided to force the issue, and that added to my panic. Not only could I not control the situation, but I also might not be able to control myself either.

Bellamy stepped closer, gripping my shoulders. “Q, look at me.” He waited until I met his golden gaze with my own. “You are not a helpless captive, and you’re not alone. Never again. I’ve got your back this time.” His hands moved to my head as he held my stare, his eyes wet with unshed tears.

I exhaled the breath that’d been locked up in my lungs and lifted my fist to thump it lightly over his heart. “Yeah. Okay.” I nodded, feeling a little more grounded.

Then, with that sixth sense belonging to twins, he hit the other source of my fear dead-center. “They won’t cut you out of the drift. Jabari won’t let them.” He huffed a laugh. “Cordie won’t let them. When it comes to being possessive, she’s got us beat by a mile. You’ve got to stop pushing her away, though. She’s the toughest woman I’ve ever known, but she can still break.”