Page 4 of Jinx

I shoved the impulse away with a harsh mental reprimand. What the hell was wrong with me?

“Hello, Bellamy.” His name felt like a decadent truffle on my tongue, velvety and sweet. I watched the gold of his eyes darken, my stomach fluttering in response, before I forced my feet to start walking again. Just suck it up. I only had to survive a few more minutes. “Are you a student?”

He made a thoughtful hum. “Not quite. I’m just around for the summer before I head back.”

Head back?

My heart spasmed, magic slamming on it like a bear trap. Apparently, the notion of him leaving was not okay. Panic from some dark and unknown corner of my soul bled through me, and the back of my neck prickled.

This was so wrong. My magic’s sudden awareness was disturbing my calm more than any stressful altercation ever had. It burrowed into my heart, plucking and picking until my whole being was vibrating with displeasure over the idea that Bellamy wasn’t staying. It urged me again to reach for him.

He should be permanent. He should be mine.

Wait, what?

“Are you?” he asked, oblivious to my internal meltdown. I tilted my face away to hide the rush of heat that colored my cheeks.

Unpack crazy later.

“I start next month,” I said in a rush, pulling my purse further up onto my shoulder like I was putting on armor. “I moved here in May to get settled before the semester starts, though. Make sure I have a job and a place to live, you know? I’m sure it gets so much busier when the term starts.”

I stopped and sucked my bottom lip between my teeth to stem the flow of syllables. A glance at Bellamy found him watching me with an amused arch to one eyebrow and a quirk to his full lips. His open expression held no shadow of judgement as he took my twitchy presence and unfiltered word vomit in stride. I was so stunned by his easy acceptance that I snorted a laugh.

“Sorry,” I said as he grinned. “I’m not really a people person. Clearly.”

“That’s alright.” The timbre of his voice soothed the wild magic tangling in my chest like briars. “No people here. Just me.”

My steps stalled, and I turned to look up at him with what must have been equal parts surprise, confusion, and devastation all over my face. His casual comment was just empty flirting, but it set off a riot of conflict and longing. Was this what it would be like in a world where I was a normal girl? Where I could get excited about the hot guy who let butterflies loose in my stomach?

I had to reel in my imagination before it could pull me too far. This wasn’t that world, and I didn’t get to have those things. No matter how badly I wanted it, I couldn’t afford to let people in. Bellamy seemed like a genuinely nice guy. He would only get hurt, and hurting him would destroy whatever scrap of a soul I had left. Time to let him go.

I exhaled a shaky breath. “Well, nice to meet you,” I told him, the words more steady than I felt, “and thanks for…that.” I gestured behind me toward the crosswalk, but couldn’t bring myself to meet his gaze. “I have to go. Have a good summer.”

My gut swirled with nausea while my magic sliced at my heart with a thousand blades. But this wasn’t about me and what I wanted. My magic didn’t call the shots here. I knew it would be hard, trying to integrate while staying apart. I had to try harder.

I picked up my pace until Bellamy’s steps slowed and he was no longer beside me. Remorse lodged in my throat, and I worked to swallow it down. It was okay. He wouldn’t have any trouble finding another, less dangerous girl to keep him company. One who didn’t have to fight dark magic that was driving her to do bad things.

“I still think I should stick around.”

I jolted when Bellamy fell back in stride with me.

“You know, in case you need rescuing again.” He met my startled look with a gentle smile, one that said he knew exactly what I was trying to do. My lips moved, protests forming and dying soundlessly. There was no air in my lungs to give them voice. He just winked at my impression of a gasping fish. “So, where are we headed, Blue? I’ll get you there safely.”

“L-library,” I managed to stutter out, pointing at the building ahead. “I work at the library.”

Bellamy made an exaggerated sound of understanding. “Ah. It all makes sense now. Those librarians are a strange breed.”

That had me laughing again despite the turmoil twisting my insides into knots. The magic suffused my skin with warmth, settling contentedly back in my chest now that I’d stopped trying to ditch its new obsession. What the hell was even happening right now? It’s like meeting Bellamy turned it into a temperamental cat. I almost expected it to start purring when I chanced another look at him and got trapped in his gaze.

I was in so much trouble.

“Well.” I tore my eyes away and ducked my head. “Thank you for the escort, but I really do need to go.” I turned for the door, and in the glass’s reflection, I saw him reach for me before catching himself.

“Wait,” he said instead, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I didn’t get your name.”

I caught my lip between my teeth as I twisted my head to look back at him over my shoulder. I shouldn’t. God, I really shouldn’t. He needed to just forget about this—about me—for his own sake. But instead of doing the smart thing and pushing him away again, my traitorous mouth gave him exactly what he wanted.

“Cordelia.”