Page 74 of Never Let Me Go

I think I knew it from the moment I laid eyes on him but now, because of my mistakes, I’m going to lose him.

“You ready?” he asks, knocking on the door and I jerk up and quickly wipe the tears from my cheeks as the door opens.

“Mercedes is coming to get me. I didn’t want to put you out more than I already have.”

He nods, staring at the floor. “Right.”

“Sawyer,” I whisper, more tears dripping down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I was only…”

He turns away from me. “Make sure you leave your key on the counter.”

Before I can say anything else, he disappears and I wince as his bedroom door slams shut, echoing down the hallway and I can’t help but think it sounds like the book closing on our relationship. This is it. After a whirlwind of a ten days, this is all I’m left with.

My phone pings with a message.

Mercedes:

I’m outside.

Shoving my phone in my pocket, I stand up and grab my bags before leaving the key to the house on the dresser. I step out into the living room and the closer I get to the door, the more it hurts. There’s a part of me, albeit a very little part, that is hoping he will realize this is a mistake and we belong together before he rushes out of his room and begs me to stay but the closer I get to the door, the more that fantasy dies. As I grab my bag from our trip to the cabin, I turn and look back at the house before sucking in a breath and opening the door. There’s no use in prolonging the pain and the more I put this off, the harder it will be to force myself outside.

Mercedes jumps out of her car and pops the trunk before helping me with my bags, her worried gaze inspecting my face. I can only imagine what I look like right now with tear tracks dragging mascara down my face but I don’t care. Once my bags are in the trunk, she shuts it and wraps me up in a hug.

“What happened, sweetie?”

I shake my head. “Later, Mer. I have to get out of here.”

She nods as she lets me go as I glance up at the house, meeting Sawyer’s gaze in his bedroom window. My heart cracks wide open, pleading and crying for him, but he turns away from me and pulls the curtain over the window. Slipping into the car, I let out a sob and Mercedes reaches across the console to grab my hand as she pulls away from the curb.

“You’re coming over to my house.”

I shake my head. “No. Just take me to a hotel.”

“Okay,” she answers brightly. “We’ll have a sleepover. Maybe we can even go to the spa and relax a little.”

“Mercedes,” I whisper, a dull ache beginning to form in my forehead. She shakes her head and flashes me a stern look.

“You are in obvious pain and you have zero chance of getting rid of me tonight so we can go to my place or we can sleep over at a hotel. Your choice.”

“Hotel. I need somewhere that doesn’t have memories tied to it.”

She nods. “Okay. You ready to tell me what happened?”

I suck in a breath and nod. I’m not really ready to tell her but I’d rather just get it over with so I spit everything out - the P.I. crashing our date, disappearing to the cabin, someone shooting at me, and telling Sawyer the truth.

“Oh, honey,” she whispers, squeezing my hand. “I’m sure he’ll come around once he gets a chance to think it all through. That’s a hell of a lot for any person to deal with, let alone over a three day period.”

I nod. “I know but you didn’t see the look on his face. He used to look at me like I was the only one he could see, like I shined and stood out among the rest of the world.”

“And how did he look at you just now?”

“Like I was just like the rest of them,” I answer as a sob rips through me and I close my eyes. The look in his eyes as he stood in the window… it will haunt me for the rest of my life. “Do you think I should have told him the truth from the start?”

She sighs. “Yes and no. I understand why he’s hurt but I also know you were just trying to protect yourself and figure out who you are. Plus, I’m not convinced that he would have been open to the feelings you two have for each other and your connection if he had been looking at you like someone else he needed to protect.”

“Damned if I do and damned if I don’t.”

“Exactly.”