Page 73 of Never Let Me Go

He balks. “I didn’t even think about that... it’s a lot, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” There’s no point in beating around the bush anymore. If I’m going to tell him the truth, then I’m going to tell him everything.

“How much?”

I open my mouth to respond when he holds his hand up and shakes his head.

“You know what… I don’t want to know.”

My fingers twitch with the urge to reach out and touch him but I know I can’t bring him any comfort right now. “Are you sure you don’t want to know?”

He scoffs. “Am I sure? No, I’m not sure about anything anymore. I can’t decide if I should believe you or if there is still more you’re hiding.”

“I’m putting everything out on the table, Sawyer. I want to build a future with you.”

He falls back in his chair and shakes his head. “I just don’t know if I can do that anymore.”

“What?” I whisper, my heart stalling as tears burn my eyes. He meets my gaze and pain shines back at me, amplifying my own.

“I think I need some time to think about all this.”

A weight settles into my stomach and my chest aches as I nod. “Okay…”

“Go get your things and I’ll drive you over to the clubhouse. They have some rooms you can crash in until you figure something else out” he says, refusing to look at me and it would have been kinder if he punched me in the gut. Nodding, I push off the couch and practically run to the guest bedroom where I’ve been staying before shutting the door and gasping for air as the tears run down my face.

I knew he would be upset.

I knew he would be mad.

But I had hoped that we had built something strong enough to withstand this. Guess I was wrong.

Through my tears, I throw all my clothes back into my bag before going into the attached bathroom and tossing everything I can find in my toiletries bag. I toss it on top of my other bag as I plop down on the edge of the bed and sob into a pillow. Memories from the past week and a half play out in my mind and I struggle to breathe as the tears refuse to let up. The thought of sitting next to him in the truck as he drives me to a hotel sounds like torture and I know I can’t do it. Tossing the pillow aside, I try to wipe the tears from my face as I pull my phone out of my pocket and text Mercedes.

Me:

911. I need you.

I barely set the phone down on the bed next to me when it starts ringing and I suck in a breath as I answer it.

“Hello?”

“What’s going on?” she asks, her voice panicked and my bottom lip wobbles as I try to keep it together.

“I need you to come get me.”

“Why? What happened?”

I press my fingers into my forehead. “Please, Mer. I promise to tell you everything, just not right this second.”

“You at Sawyer’s house?”

“Yes.”

“I’m on my way.”

After hanging up, I toss the phone on the bed next to me and brace my hands on either side of my body as I wonder if this is truly the end for Sawyer and me. He said he needed time to think but I can’t help but think what he really needed was to get me out of his house so it would be easier to end things with me. Closing my eyes, I remember our first kiss on the front porch and my chest burns, pain rushing over me like a tidal wave.

Sawyer is the one.