Page 24 of Tasty Tentacles

Oh, how I want to give this adorable man a kiss! Just a quick one, but I don’t dare. He’s married, and I’d never be able to keep my tentacles in check.

The platters of tasty treats are all laid out and ready, but I’m getting nervous. No, that’s too soft a term. I’m terrified, complete with cold sweat and an inescapable feeling of impending doom. The day has been wonderful, but it could all evaporate in seconds if I offend their guests. Why did I let them talk me into this?

“Here,” Hideo says, rubbing the back of my neck and handing me a bubbly glass of Prosecco. “I know it’s hard, but try to relax.”

“I need my mask,” I say. I need to hide myself. I need to protect Bertie and Hideo. This is bound to be a disaster, like so many times before.

“Let’s try it without,” Bertie suggests, stroking his hand on my arm. “Like you always do with me at the bakery.”

“I don’t think so. I don’t want to scare…”

“Trust me,” Bertie says, taking my hand and giving it a comforting squeeze. “It won’t be a problem. Just leave everything to us.”

The doorbell rings before I have any more time to dither, so I tuck my tentacles away and hope for the best.

They bound into the kitchen, laden with bags and plates, three of them, pretty much a matched set. Two heavyset bears with big brown beards, maybe early forties, one with his beard in Lord-of-the-Rings braids. The third is a thinner fellow with an even longer beard, gone almost entirely snow white, and styled with a dramatic waxed mustache and several small Christmas ornaments dangling in the forest of white cascading over his chest.

I stand off to the side, out of the way and clutching my glass, as they offload their stuff and exchange a few hugs. It’s not too late to escape. I’ll just say hi and make an excuse, then Jake and I can flee to safety.

Hideo says, “I’d like you to meet our friend Orion.”

All three men turn to look at me and I’m near panic. Somehow, I retreat more tightly against the wall.

The fellow with the braids says, “My god, Bertie, you said he had a beautiful beard, but I never imagined.”

He walks over and sticks out a hand, saying, “Nice to meet you, Orion, I’m Carl. The sexy brunette over there is Bob, and the fellow with the silver whiskers is Paul.”

Paul adds, “But please call me Pops.”

I manage to squeak out, “Hi,” slopping some of my drink in the process, but I’m concentrating too hard on keeping everything in place to do much more.

“And who is this handsome fellow?” Carl says, kneeling down to give Jake some attention. Jake is beside himself with all these new people to meet, and his tail hasn’t stopped for an instant.

“This is my best buddy Jake,” I say, starting to relax, but I don’t dare. I can only hold them back if I pay attention. It’s time to come up with an excuse to duck out. I really, really should have worn the mask.

“So guys,” Bertie says, “we need to get something out of the way before Orion explodes.”

Hideo continues, “Orion has a little special something extra.”

“I bet he does!” Bob says, giving me a lusty once-over.

Hideo takes my hand and says quietly, “Go ahead. We’re right here with you.”

Can I do this?

I close my eyes and let my tentacles unfurl, and I hear a gasp. Gasps. I don’t hear any crashing plates or falling bodies, but I can’t bear to look.

Hideo squeezes my hand and asks, “All okay there, Orion?”

I nod and open my eyes, expecting the worst, and they’re all staring.

With big smiles.

“Oh my fucking god,” Carl says. “Are they real? This isn’t a trick, is it? Say it isn’t.”

“No trick,” Hideo says. “Can I offer everyone some bubbly?”

He steps out in front of me, brandishing the bottle and distracting them as they juggle glasses and wine. I see he’s totally doing this on purpose, giving me some distance, some shelter, if I need it. It’s so thoughtful. Do I need it? They’re all still on their feet, so maybe it won’t be a disaster. Maybe I’ll stick around to see.