Page 73 of Come Find Me Tonight

Once two-year-old Ember was in bed for the night, I gently asked Appa if she wanted to try again, only because I had a feeling about the answer. We both agreed to quietly try for six months, and if she didn’t conceive during that time, she would get the hysterectomy she wanted. We didn’t watch the calendar and had sex whenever we felt like it, not changing anything.

Appa was pregnant again before the six months were up.

I thank God for letting Luca come into our lives. Appa’s doctor wanted to be safe and scheduled a C-section this time around. Appa, at seven months pregnant, asked if they could do a hysterectomy while she was open in the operating room. The doctor hesitated, not loving the idea of the back-to-back procedures, but ultimately agreed after warning her about complications and recovery time. She didn’t flinch. It’s truly what she wished for—she’d never have to worry about missing anything because of being bedridden once a month, and Ember would get a little sibling. We have our boy and girl now, and I couldn’t ask for anything else.

“Hey, Em, come here.” I kneel to her height and pull her into my arms. “I love you, Evie.” Another nickname stems from her initials. She was named Ember Beatrice after my mom, and we named him Luca Robert. But because his initials are LV, the nickname Vegas stuck quickly thanks to Enzo.

“I love you, Daddy.”

“Hey, my big girl!” Appa greets Ember. I sit at the end of the couch, resting my arm on Appa’s covered calves as Ember climbs in between us.

“Be careful,” I warn.

For a small child, she was a bowling ball of clumsiness and energy, and we had to remind her that Appa and Luca were fragile for now. She still has a few weeks of recovery left, but this is the best day she’s had since the operation.

Mom stands from her chair and hands Luca off to me. “Ember, let’s go see your nonno,” Mom says, picking up Ember and taking her into the house.

I hold Luca up Lion King style, being mindful of his head, and the evening sun catches the wisps of hair on top. “He’s losing the newborn scrunch,” I tell Appa, looking up at him. I move him to my chest, my hand covering nearly his whole back as she passes his blanket. I loved when Ember took naps on my shoulder as a baby, and it was one thing I was most excited about with the new one.

“Aw, I’ll miss that.”

“Me too.”

Luca was smaller than Ember at birth but still a perfectly healthy weight. She probably could have delivered naturally fine and gotten a hysterectomy later, but I know she’s relieved to have it over with. The only downside to his birth was that I met him first while Appa was still under general anesthesia. Minutes old, he looked identical to Ember, but days later, his facial features were starting to resemble mine.

The door opened, and a bassinet rolled in. “Ready to meet your boy? He’s seven pounds, ten ounces, and twenty inches long,” the nurse announced.

I immediately stood and approached the hospital bassinet, and in between the clear plastic walls was our Luca wrapped in a hospital baby blanket with a little hat fitted onto his head. My breath caught the moment I saw him.

My chest warmed just as it had when Ember was born. “Hi, buddy,” I said to him, lifting him into my arms for the first time. He felt light as a feather after wrangling his three-year-old big sister. “How’s Appa?”

It hadn’t been an hour since they wheeled her into the operating room. I held her hand while the general anesthesia took effect, counting back with her, but she hadn’t made it far when her eyes closed. I had to leave then and wait in the solitude of her recovery room.

“Hanging in there. It’ll be another couple of hours,” the nurse answered.

“Okay, thank you.” As soon as we were alone, I redirected my attention back to Luca. “Your mom is so brave, and after this, she won’t have any more pain.”

His big eyes stared up at me as I continued to tell him about his mom and sister, and he eventually wiggled an arm free from his swaddle. I had no idea how much I missed the baby grip on my finger until the first time he grabbed my offered finger. I could feel my eyes filling with tears, but there was a small pang of guilt that I got to have this moment with him while Appa was still under the knife.

She was loopy, smelled faintly of antiseptic, and was slightly confused when she finally came out of surgery. There was no way she could hold him at first, so I carefully sat on the edge of her hospital bed and showed him to her.

“You did a good job, baby,” I whispered to her.

“He’s like Em.” Her voice was hoarse.

“Just like her.”

“He’s probably getting hungry.” Appa’s voice draws me back to the moment.

We’re staying with my parents temporarily while Appa recovers, and my mom is unsurprisingly excited about having her grandchildren around a bit more. Appa brought Ember over here almost daily during the week normally, though, before Luca’s birth. My mom made up one of their guest rooms to be Ember’s room, which was incredibly handy when Appa and I went on some solo trips, including a babymoon to Hawaii four months ago.

“Yeah, probably. Do you have your pillow?” I ask.

“Yep.”

I carefully lift Luca off my shoulder and stand to pass him to her. It was important to her to try nursing this go-around since she didn’t with Ember, and I was worried it would be too much all at once. She had become a quick pro at it, though, and I just made sure her water bottle was always full and had a snack nearby.

I’ve been trying to avoid asking Appa how she’s feeling because I feel like it reminds her that she’s recovering, but it’s hard not to hover. I sigh and look over at our cars in the driveway. I laugh lightly under my breath.