Page 178 of Undone

Lily was so nervous about being Paloma’s matron of honor, about somehow screwing it up, I’d made her come twice in the bathroom before the ceremony even started. Then after the wedding, we spent the entire late September night dancing on a black-and-white floor, with twinkling lights. And baby Van on my hip so he could dance with his momma.

Stepping onto the patio now, I see the long table with Rhys and Sadie on one side, who both offer me a nod, before Freddy stands to loop an arm around me.

“Better luck next year for the baby bear Bruins, yeah?” Freddy smiles. With my son in my arms, I’m careful in how forcefully I dig my elbow into Freddy’s stomach.

“Funny,” I retort. “Considering you didn’t even make it into the playoffs.”

It’s all lighthearted, all in good fun. I’d never thought I’d have this kind of group around me. Friends I can trust, who have been there for me through it all now. Friends who talk hockey with me. Rhys, who drove me to the hospital from practice when Lily went into labor and I was worried I’d crash because my hands were shaking so terribly. Freddy, who video calls me when he’s bored and waiting for Ro, who is in medical school. Bennett and Paloma, who have kept us closer than anyone.

And of course—

“If it isn’t my favorite boy.”

Holden sweeps in and steals Van right out of my arms, Lily at his side.

“Trying to take my son and my wife?” I ask. “Brutal.”

He nods his head, cooing at Van who smiles at his uncle Holden. His boyfriend comes up to Lily’s left side and taps her shoulder, offering her a glass of sparkling water.

Holden doesn’t play hockey anymore. He doesn’t even live in the States, instead spending his time traveling around Europe with Beau, his very handsome, very kind “French model boyfriend” as he so often reminds us.

He’s always here for the important things, though, and he never misses a group trip.

“Can I keep holding him for a bit?” he asks, dropping the teasing tone.

Setting an arm around my wife’s bare shoulder and looping my fingers through the strap of her tank top, I nod, before pulling her chair out and letting her slip into it. Holden and Beau coo and fawn over Van. Paloma sits on Lily’s other side, chatting and giggling—the pair talk nearly every day on the phone.

In the background, music plays softly on the outside speakers—Sadie’s playlist, I’m about ninety percent sure. Everyone speaks loud and happy, candlelight flickering as the sun sets over the water.

And then I’m struck with an almost out-of-body experience, of the seven-year-old version of myself, abandoned and alone, standing just to my side and looking at how surrounded we are by friends and love. A loud, wonderful family I always wanted.

Then, I look at Lily. I see her for a moment as that little girl I first met, and I am just as struck by her now as I was then.

“Hey,” I whisper, low, catching her attention easily. Her blue eyes sparkle as she stares up at me in that same adoring way she’s stared at me my entire life. In her gaze, I see years reflected back at me, stretching out across forever. Of us, with a horde of children, a big boisterous family of our own. Of Lily’s red hair turning softly gray, lines of smiles crinkling her eyes as she paints. Our future, all bright happiness and loud love.

I pull her closer, as if I could meld her body into mine. “You and me, Lily?”

She grins and my heart beats a little harder, like it’s reaching from my chest to her. “Forever.”