Page 135 of Undone

“She wants you here,” I say.

Paloma Blake likes Lily. It’s something that Lily doesn’t understand the true importance of. Besides Bennett Reiner and—occasionally when no one is looking, Sadie Brown—Paloma doesn’t like anyone.

“You don’t know that.” Lily looks mildly frantic as her foot starts tapping like a rabbit. “You don’t have friends, Tor. You don’t—”

The door opens and Lily goes more rigid than she already was at the sight of the massive goalie taking up the entire doorway.

“Toren,” Bennett greets, eyes near my shoulder. “Lily.”

“Hi, Bennett,” Lily whispers, her eyes darting to Bennett’s shoes. He’s in comfortable clothes, but his face looks worn and tired. A sinking feeling slips into my gut that maybe I was too mean in the bathroom last night. That he’s not okay and I might’ve made it worse.

“Lily wanted to check on Paloma after she didn’t come home last night,” I say, my hand on her back, pushing her forward just an inch. “I figured I could drop her here and I can pick her up later or Paloma can take her back.”

We hadn’t talked about this bit, and I feel Lily step back into my still-open palm, as if she can meld herself to my hands.

I give her a look, quick and stern.

“Paloma’s in the kitchen and would love to see you,” Bennett says. I push again, heavier and firmer against Lily’s back until she stumbles forward and under Bennett’s arm. She turns and looks over her shoulder at me and I tack on the best smile I can muster.

Lily might have friends here, a home in some way, and it’s all right if I’m not included. That isn’t something easy to explain to her. Maybe showing her the videos and articles of me from the last three and a half years would be enough, but I’m selfish in wanting her not to see that.

It doesn’t really matter, despite the ache building between my ribs. To know she’s accepted by them is enough for me.

“You should stay,” Bennett says suddenly. “Have breakfast with all of us.”

“No,” I say, my chest feeling heavier at the offer. “You don’t have to be nice to me, Reiner. It’s fine.”

“Come inside,” he insists this time, grip tightening on the frame of the door. “Eat with us. You’re a part of the team.”

“Right.” I huff a laugh and shake my head.

“You are.”

I’m not. We both know that. There hasn’t been a day where I’ve been more than a thorn in everyone’s side. Before, it was hard to justify the need to stay. For Harris, I guess, but for the promised contract too. For my future. And then, it was for Holden.

Now, it’s easier. Lily is here. Holden is my friend—maybe my best friend, if he wants the title. Sahara and Nate Harris are more than just my coach and his wife . . . it’s easier to ignore the quiet lull in the locker room when I come in, the snippy comments behind my back.

“And you look out for Paloma,” he suddenly adds. “You always have. I owe you for that at the very least.”

My stomach churns. I don’t want him to owe me for that. Paloma Blake is . . . complicated. In a way, I’d say she’s my friend, even if her brand of friendship is ornery comments and rolling eyes. But she reminded me of myself, drowning in self-hatred with nowhere to swim but down. Maybe I helped her because I wished so badly someone would do it for me. And isn’t that selfish?

“I know you hit Sadie’s coach that night, defending her,” Bennett goes on. “And I was there when you protected Ro from her ex-boyfriend. And I think you’ve done more for Paloma than you’ll even share with me. You’re not a bad guy, Kane.”

You’re not a bad guy, Kane.

The words stick. They aren’t overly complimentary, but that almost makes them more real. The truth is I punched Sadie’s coach because I recognized in him the same shit I saw every day in LaBlanc. I fought with Ro’s ex-boyfriend because I saw a bully who wanted to put down a girl. Maybe I saw LaBlanc in both of them. Maybe I wanted to protect someone the way I hadn’t been able to protect myself or Lily.

Or maybe I was selfish. A psychopath, just taking it out on the right person instead of someone beloved. Does that really make it better?

You’re not a bad guy, Kane.

It’s too vulnerable to think about the possibility that Bennett Reiner is right. But my stomach is growling, and Lily is in there, so it’s easy to take the offer this time when he says, “I think you should come inside and eat with us.”

• • •

They do this a lot, I quickly realize. Family breakfast.

Freddy rounds the corner as I step into the room, whispering and winking at Ro.