Page 48 of Unbound

It’s strange, feeling so ingrained into the fabric of someone’s life and yet so incredibly distant from them.

It’s freezing cold and the entire party is in the massive, almost apartment-style house—affectionately, Hockey Dorms—sweating and gyrating to a wild mix of music. Lily didn’t want to come, her anxiety clear though she lied and said she suddenly felt sick. I didn’t push her, but against my better judgment, I couldn’t stay away. So I’m here—alone, sober, and quick as I zoom through the party with one mission.

I shouldn’t be here. Except I can’t stay away from him. I never could, really. Even when it was my only goal.

The frigid late-January air blows in through the open back door where Bennett stands—still in his nice clothes, though he’s discarded the jacket and rolled up his crisp white shirt despite the cold temperature. He’s speaking softly to a beautiful girl. Gentle, with that intense listening expression I know well. It feels like knives, but I smile through the pain of them sliding down my skin.

He looks happy. So I watch him quietly.

There’s a little version of myself inside, wailing constantly, trying to get out. The only time she isn’t silent is when he’s within reach.

“Paloma.”

My eyes slide to the side, toward a small brunette in a silk dress, boots, and a thick leather jacket with two drinks in hand.

“Sadie.” I nod, taking the proffered cup. “What is it?”

“Dirty Shirley.” She smirks, dark red lips perking up. She touches her cup to mine in an almost sarcastic cheers before we both take a swig.

“You know, when Rhys told me you two dated, I was surprised.”

A derisive snort leaves me.

“I imagine the same kind of surprise you had when you realized I was dating him. For girls like us? He’s kinda out of reach,” Sadie continues.

Thinking about Rhys and dating him and that awful night makes me want to be sick, so I shake my head and step away.

“You want to talk about me and your boyfriend hooking up?” I snort. “Really?”

“Watch it,” she snaps, gray eyes heating as she looks at me. For a moment I wonder if she’ll try her claws on my skin. Instead, she takes a deep settling breath and straightens her spine. “I’m trying to make a point.”

“Save it,” I sneer back. “We aren’t the same. Don’t play this stupid game, Sadie. We’re not friends.”

She shrugs as if everything I’ve said rolls right off her. She looks back out the window where my gaze has been all night.

“It wasn’t ever about him, was it? That night at the party?” She takes a sip of her drink. “I’d say not once has your presence in this house had anything to do with Rhys or Holden or any of the guys who’d cut their leg off for a chance to sleep with you.”

I shrug this time, mimicking her with a sip of my own drink. My eyes stray to Bennett again, shoulders tight at the happy, slightly drunken grin he’s sporting.

“Do you love him?”

“No clue what the fuck you’re talking about,” I say, calm and collected. “Better get back to your boyfriend, Brown.”

“Yeah,” she snorts. “Have fun torturing yourself, P.”

And then she’s gone, and I’m all alone staring out across the back patio and trying not to cry. My chest heaves. It feels like mere moments later, though it could be hours for how lost in my head I am, that he approaches me out on the patio. Alone.

“I won’t go with her,” Bennett says. His body is so close, so warm, his bicep pressed against mine through layers of fabric. I don’t look at him.

“It’s fine,” I say, desperate to make my voice sound anything but bitter. “It’s good. I want you to be happy.”

Something I’ve said makes him shake his head in my peripheral.

“Paloma—”

“It’s fine, Bennett.”

“I won’t go with her if you don’t want me to.” He shakes his head. He moves closer to me, the heat of his body all-consuming as he covers my back. He ducks his head down so that his mouth almost touches my ear as he whispers, “Just say the word, P. You can have it all.”