Page 19 of The Fee Entail

She occupied herself with the tea and biscuits for a moment. “I will go along with the plan because I am a selfish creature, perhaps even mercenary.”

I patiently waited for her to continue, as I had no indication she wanted me to say anything.

She finally gave a resigned sigh.

“Do you have any idea how difficult life can be for a lone woman? I was trying to liberate enough from the household accounts to run away when Collins attacked, but it was exceedingly difficult. At the most, I might have had twenty or thirty pounds to get me somewhere else. In retrospect, it may have been a better option, but still very difficult. I would have to go somewhere he could never find me, and that is hard on ten pounds.”

I simply gave her a concerned look. “It would be presumptuous for me to say I understand. I could work out the sums, but that is in no way anything like true understanding.”

“I appreciate that. Most men would not admit to such ignorance. When Mr Collins fell ill, and it became clear he would not recover, I… I hate to admit it, but while I was not precisely happy, I was relieved. I need no longer hide from both the law and my husband in fear, and my only trial would be poverty, an inconvenience by comparison.”

She was not really looking at me. “I refuse to live the life society leaves for gentlewomen who do not marry. A life as governess or companion is not for me. They are forever outsiders, neither servant nor family, subject to the whims of their employers, spending their time managing other people’s children or their dotage, with no real authority over anything at all. It is not uncommon for them to be treated almost as badly as Mr Collins treated me. No sir. I refuse. I would rather become a scullery maid.”

I started to speak but held myself when she continued.

“With Mr Collins’ illness, and no male relatives to stick their noses into my affairs, I considered my problem, if not solved, at least mitigated before the day Bennet came back into my life.”

“How so?”

“This living generates six hundred per annum. As you can see, I practise every bit of economy possible and do all I can to earn more. Perhaps you have not noticed, but I keep enough poultry and a big enough kitchen garden to sell some. I even plan to lease the glebe for crops in the spring. I did all this with the intention of saving perhaps as much as a thousand pounds before he died.”

She paused a few moments as if checking the sums in her head.

“Even a few hundred would be riches by comparison to the ten I expected to have to escape with. That amount would be enough to allow me to live in relative comfort as a shopkeeper or something similar. Even just putting a thousand in the four per cents would be enough to generate close to forty pounds, which is far more than a governess makes, and enough to have a small home, especially if I share with a few other women. It would be enough to save me from poverty, and I was entirely satisfied with the scheme.”

I had to ask, “You did not think to return to Longbourn after his death?”

She snorted in derision but seemed aware I asked just for the sake of completeness, not because I thought she would seriously consider putting herself under her father’s power again.

“Now we come to the heart of the matter. Are you certain you want to know the extent of my selfishness?”

I nodded, as I could not comprehend any possible way her actions could be considered selfish.

“We canvassed my abhorrence of marriage. I will not be a wife again, but I do wish to be a mother with all my heart. I am not conceited enough to think I will be the best of mothers, or that raising a child without a father will be easy, but being better than my parents seems within my reach, and I will be neither the first nor the last woman to do so. I would not wish to go through my life without the chance for that experience. I think it would be an empty existence.”

If possible, my esteem climbed another notch.

“I comprehend that desire fully. I still do not understand how that makes you selfish, though.”

She stared me down hard and carefully for a moment.

“I told you the unselfish reasons before your aunt interrupted, but the real reason I will do it is because Longbourn generates two thousand per annum. My father is only a life tenant, but should I produce a son—and my chances are no worse than any other woman’s—my children would be secure for life, as would I. Until he comes of age, I would have control of my son’s fortune, and with the entail ended, I could invest and increase the estate’s income substantially with some of the newer farming methods. When my son comes of age, I like to think I would have raised a young man who would be happy to take care of his mother and any unmarried or widowed aunts for life, but even if not, I would have had plenty of time to save enough to live on.”

She gave me a serious look. “I agreed to the scheme for selfish and mercenary reasons. I am doing it for Longbourn! You may despise me if you will, but at least you will understand me.”

I took perhaps a moment too long to gather my thoughts, as she next said, “I believe your curiosity should now be satisfied. It is time to return to Rosings.”

I wished to protest her self-condemnation, but she seemed fixed on the idea of my departure, so I stood and took my leave, deep in thought, while she looked like she believed she finally managed to rid herself of my disagreeable presence once and for all.

Tedium

Elizabeth

Thursday was the most ordinary day of my life. I have not the slightest idea why I even bother chronicling it, as not a single notable thing happened. As per my usual custom, I arose early and broke my fast with my companion over porridge and eggs. As with most Thursdays, the Ross boy brought coal for our bin, and as he generally did, he carried a bit into the kitchen for our convenience. He was not supposed to do that and had extracted a solemn oath not to tell his father from the both of us. Such diligence was well worth both our pastry and our silence, so our small conspiracy went on for another week. We swept the kitchen and tidied up the other principal rooms in the standard fashion, then went about our other daily chores.

A bit later, as happened just about every day, I found my geese trying their very best to drive off Mr Darcy with a great deal of fluttering and honking, while my chickens attacked his boots. As usual, they were having no more success than my efforts produced.

I responded to the gentleman in my usual fashion. “Mr Darcy, you seem to have got on the bad side of most of my poultry.”