Page 62 of If They Knew

“I don't want you to go alone. Take someone with you,” says Theo. I watch as he looks up and notices Julie staring at him. “Take Julie,” he says. I look back at Julie and catch her rolling her eyes.

“No, I'd rather stay here,” responds Julie.

“Come on, Julie, I could use the company,” says Mary with a slight grin on her face. I close my eyes and pull Kelly a little closer to me for warmth. I don’t care right now about whatever it is those two have going on. I should volunteer to go find the bottle since it is for my baby, but I get the feeling Mary and Julie need to work out whatever is happening.

“Fine, I'll go,” Julie finally answers.

“We’ll be back. Y'all stay together and try to figure out how we can make more heat to stay warm,” says Mary, as she and Julie walk out the door.

38

MARY

The ship is freezing, and my skin is so dry and chapped that it feels like it’s cracking. The moonlight filters through the windows, lighting our path through the ship. As we descend the stairs, we pass a broken board on the 7th floor. I don’t stop, and if it weren’t for Julie staring at it, I don’t think I would have even noticed it was there. I look at her and watch as she stares, as if memorizing the placement of the wood.

“Let’s talk,” I say, getting her attention.

“I don't want to talk, Mary,” Julie answers abruptly.

I don’t know what is going on with her; I've never done anything to her but try to help. “I don’t really care if you want to or not,” I say.

“Mary, I said no. Now leave me alone,” Julie demands. I stop and stare at her. She pays me no mind and keeps walking away.

“Enough, we need to discuss this,” I say sharply. It must get her attention because this time she turns to face me. I'm standing several steps above her now, and she leans against the railing and looks at me, looking almost bored.

“Okay, Mary, what’s on your mind?” she asks sarcastically. I make my way down the stairs to meet her. The smug look on her face pisses me off.

“Really? You know exactly what I want to discuss,” I say, matching her tone.

“Okay, what about it?”

“What the hell is going on?” I ask. “Why are you being so secretive? And where the hell do you go sometimes? There have been plenty of times when you’ll be gone for hours, and no one can find you.”

“What difference does it make where I go?” Julie responds, waving a dismissive hand.

“Julie, you can’t just brush this off. Between your disappearing and the Theo situation, there is a lot to unpack here. What are you going to do about Theo?”

“I don't know yet; so much has changed. This was not part of the plan,” responds Julie, only this time her tone is soft, almost sympathetic.

“No shit!” I say, letting out a deep breath. “All of this is… a mess.” I sigh.

“And now there’s Kelly and this fucking baby. If Tyler had just kept his dick in his pants, none of this would’ve happened.”

We stand there in silence. I swear Julie is bipolar. First, we are all buddy-buddy, and she told me all kinds of personal things, and then the next minute it's like she wants to slit my throat. I can't keep up with the constant mood swings.

“Leave Kelly and the baby out of this.”

“That's easy for you to say, Mary; this is my life, not yours.”

“Look around, Julie. This is all of our lives.” I gesture around. Her self-centeredness is astonishing sometimes.

“Mary, please,” she says, rolling her eyes at me. I feel heat rise to my cheeks in aggravation.

“No. Why don't you tell Theo the truth? He deserves to know,” I say, trying to sound sympathetic, hoping it will change her attitude. I watch her silently as she stares at the floor. After several seconds, she sighs, letting out a deep breath.

“I'm going with my original plan. I can't tell him. It's easier.” Then she starts walking away.

“How? Nothing is the same anymore. Just tell him or tell Tyler,” I demand.