Page 14 of A Rake’s Gamble

Theo couldn’t show any of his doubts now, not when he couldn’t decide if he hated Adam or desperately wanted him. Both? It would be easy to pretend this ragged breathing wasn’t panic or jealousy or worry about being used. He ... He had one more important question to ask.

“Did you bankrupt my father?”

Adam shook his head. “No. He did that willingly and to himself.”

“What am I missing? This can’t be the whole story?” Theo leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. He didn’t understand. Why couldn’t Adam be straightforward about this?

“Rosewood Estates was the mechanism. Your father’s greed was what undid him. He was the one who took the bait and chose his own actions.”

The repetition and lack of responsibility was the final straw. Theo pointed to the door. “Out. Get out of my house.” And when Adam left, he collapsed on the floor, all his limbs shaking. What did Adam mean that Rosewood was the mechanism? His duelling pistol had a flintlock mechanism, a complicated system of moving parts, and if Adam meant that, what were the moving parts? And most importantly, what would Theo do now? None of this helped fix the financial mess Adam and his father had created. And the worst part—he heaved out a huge sigh into the empty room—was that no heiress would make him feel like Adam did. He was doomed.

Chapter 11

Any smugness Adam felt over bankrupting the man who’d killed Rose had long ago dissipated. He’d discovered the problem with revenge, it never fully healed the hurt from the original crime. It was a cheap fix, loose stitching on a ruined garment held together by rotten threads. And now what the fuck was he supposed to do?

If he confessed to the details, the new Earl would never forgive him. But he’d already said too much and now he was wandering the icy streets listening to carol singers whose joyful tunes were at odds with the swirling doubt inside him. Adam was unaccustomed to this sensation. Doubt. He'd spent so much of his life fighting to improve his lot in life and aspiring to be someone—from an orphan to a businessman—with so much focus on elevating his life that he had no room for doubt. There had been too much to do to spend any time on dwelling over his decisions. And now one Earl—a beautiful submissive lean muscular man—was going to force him to examine his own integrity. Damn it.

Did he want the new Earl to forgive him? His friends would advise him to walk away. It was the most logical outcome, so why couldn’t he leave the new Earl behind and banish him from his thoughts? Why couldn’t he stop kissing the man, or demanding that he submit to him? Fortunately he’d quickly divested the notion that he’d seduced the new Earl’s father. What a disgusting thought.

He paused to listen to the carol singers who were attempting to make the dull hymn God Works In Mysterious Way sound interesting.

The bud may have a bitter taste,

But sweet will be the flow'r.

The words about redemption and change and how good can come from a bitter beginning spoke to Adam’s heart, rousing him in a way that was new and exciting. It might be the most foolish decision of his life—completely spur of the moment—and yet he knew the truth. He needed to confess everything to the new Earl because he would never have a future with the Earl without it. And his memories of Rose would be forever tainted by this ugliness, the bitterness of losing her, rather than the fun they’d had together as orphaned children working out how to get out of there and be something that mattered. He needed to admit his role to the Earl because it mattered.

He spun so fast on his heel that he nearly fell on the icy ground—a memory of his first meeting with the Earl—and it felt like destiny. This was exactly what he needed to do.

Plastering a smile on his face came easily as he pushed open the door to the Earl’s residence. He told the butler that he was expected and walked all the way past without a pause; confidence had always given him access to places that wouldn’t dare admit an orphan. It wasn’t until he opened the door to the Earl’s office that his footfalls faltered. He was accustomed to using his charm to talk himself out of tricky situations. Was this the first time he’d tried to talk himself into a situation?

“My lord.”

“I told you to go.”

“Please hear me out.”

“Why?” The defeat in the Earl’s voice almost made him trip on his own shoes and he tried not to sigh.

“I have the answers you asked for.”

“Will you confess?”

It wasn’t about confession, not precisely. He wasn’t ashamed of what he’d done, but telling the whole truth risked the Earl never wanting to kiss him again. And damn it, he ached for this man; the man that he really ought not want. At all. He wanted to reach out for him, stroke his cheek, cradle his head, and kiss him. He could lavish kisses on this man for the rest of his life, and yet ... telling him that scared him senseless from the erratic way his heart was beating to the dryness on his tongue.

“You do realise that your father is the true villain here.” He gulped as the Earl glared at him.

“Reminding me of that isn’t a confession. I want to know what you did.”

He hadn’t done it alone, but for the sake of his partners, he could sidle around that point for now. The weight of their disappointment would be the easiest excuse to avoid what he needed to do.

“It is relevant, however.”

“Was it worth it? To bankrupt my father, my estate, for your own pleasure?”

Adam shook his head. “I didn’t do it for the joy of it.”

“But you did do it?”