Page 44 of Rain Delay

Wyatt’s eyes narrow slightly. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“That,” he said. “Pretend like it’s nothing.”

I shake my head, leaning back against the cushion. “What do you want me to say, Wyatt?”

“The truth,” he says as he stands up.

“You really want that?” I look up at him.

He stands in front of me, nodding. “Kind of the point of asking you to come here. I needed you to know the truth about everything.”

I let out another short laugh. “Okay. The truth is that this is really messy and complicated. And probably a really bad idea.”

“Okay, tell me something I don’t know.”

“Like what? Because you didn’t even want to work with me when you found out it was me.”

“I need you to take a second and put yourself in my shoes in a situation like that,” he puts a hand on my cheek, his palms rough and calloused against my skin. “I need you to understand how I was feeling at that moment.”

I look up to meet his eyes. “I mean, your reaction gave off asshole, so I would rather stay in my own shoes.”

“I was wrong.”

That stops me.

“What?” I ask, quieter.

“I was wrong,” he repeats. “About a lot of things, and having you here has caused me to do a lot of self-reflecting.”

“And?”

His jaw flexes. “I’ve missed you like fucking crazy, Eliana. I’ve been going nuts trying to compose myself. To pretend like I didn’t have any feelings towards you, because that was the past, right? And what’s in the past is meant to stay there, but I couldn’t.”

My brain struggled to believe everything he’d just said. “Do you have any idea what it felt like to watch your career take off while I was still trying to figure out how to do life without you?”

“It’s five years I know I won’t ever get back. I hate that I didn’t fight for it, because I should’ve. I still think about the night I let you leave. I still think about how I let you just walk away, because I chose baseball over the girl who sat through every single game.”

“We ended for a reason, Wyatt.”

“And you don’t think I don’t think about that every waking moment? You don’t think I live with this overwhelming feeling of guilt and selfishness?” he gets down on his knees to meet me at eye-level. “I fucked everything up,” his voice cracks and a part of me breaks inside hearing him pour his emotions out like this.

My eyes flicker, searching his face to find something that showed maybe an ounce of hesitation, anything that would shut this down. I couldn’t seem to find it.

Hearing him admit to his wrongdoings, hearing how full of regret and shame he was over everything, it makes me wonder if I spent the last five years putting too much hate into a man who was simply just a confused boy trying to figure out life.

“Wyatt–” I cut him off. “I hated you. For a long time. The pain I lived with every day is irreversible, and I want you to know that. It’s not easy to hear you say all of this, when what happened could’ve been easily avoided.” I shake my head. “I tried to think of all the things I did wrong. Why you decided to leave me, and choose baseball over building a future together. I still don’t understand.”

“I live with guilt every day, Eliana. I could’ve done so much more to make things work. I didn’t know what to do…” He takes a deep breath. “I can’t even tell you why I did it. I blame it on fear. I was so scared that if we went in it together, that something would happen and I would lose you in the process. I felt like I was doing the right thing at the time, I really did. But I was selfish — I didn’t think about the lasting consequences it would have on others.

And I understand if you never fully forgive me for what I did. Shit, I don’t think I’m going to be able to fully forgive myself for hurting you the way I did. I’m just asking that you think about this. Allow me to show you that I won’t make the same mistake twice. That I’m here for the long haul, and I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

I swallow, trying to fight back tears. “Wy…”

“I’m not asking for your forgiveness. Even though you say you forgive me and you understand, I know there’s still pain and hurt in your heart towards me and I completely understand that.”

His thumb slowly ran along my wrist, the space between us was gradually getting smaller and smaller. His touch was more gentle, more careful than before.