Page 94 of Until The Lights Go Out

Did it?

I closed my eyes briefly.

Not even a little.

Theo:

No.

Red:

Good.

I’d be really embarrassed if I was the only miserable one.

I laughed quietly to myself again, head falling back against the wall behind me. I stayed awake long after the conversation ended, but not because I was trying to. My body was exhausted, the kind of deep, heavy exhaustion that settled into your bones after race weekends and stress and too many sleepless nights stacked together. But every time I closed my eyes, all I saw was Maisey. Maisey laughing against my mouth. Maisey yelling at me in the hallway with tears in her eyes because she cared enough to fight for me. Maisey touching my face like she still saw something worth loving there.

I lay flat on my back staring at the hotel ceiling while the city lights filtered dimly through the curtains.

Completely fucked.

For years, I had convinced myself distance was the right thing. That staying away from her protected her from me somehow—from my mess, my anger. My father’s voice was still rattling around in my skull, convincing me I ruined everything I touched. But kissing her had shattered that illusion wide open. Because the truth was painfully obvious now.

Staying away hadn’t protected Maisey.

It had just hurt us both.

I turned my head toward the second pillow beside me, and there it was again. That phantom feeling I’d had for months now: the imagined trace of her perfume sunken into fabric that had never actually touched her. I used to think I was losing it a little every time I caught myself imagining her here.

Just one taste of her, and suddenly I wanted everything.

I wanted midnight talks again.

I wanted her to steal fries off my plate while pretending she wasn’t hungry.

I wanted her sitting beside me after races, bumping her shoulder into mine while she argued strategy like she knew more than half the paddock combined.

I wanted to kiss her every time she rolled her eyes at me.

I wanted to hear her laugh in my hotel room, to see her next to me.

I wanted⁠—

I scrubbed both hands down my face hard enough to hurt.

Slow down, I tried to tell myself.

But my brain wouldn’t. I couldn’t fuck this up again. The thought settled heavy in my chest, but without a trace of panic, only steady determination. I didn’t know how to suddenly become the kind of man she deserved overnight. I still had too much anger living under my skin, too many bad habits too many instincts telling me to run the second that things became real.

But I knew one thing with absolute certainty: I was done hurting her, done pretending I didn’t care when caring about Maisey had shaped half my damn life. My phone lit up again on the bedside table. I reached for it too fast.

Red:

Are you asleep?

Theo:

No.