Page 74 of Until The Lights Go Out

And right now? Right now, I was furious enough to burn.

“Stop pretending you don’t care,” my voice cracked. “You care more than anyone in this paddock.”

“I don’t care,” he snapped, but the words sounded hollow. Forced.

“Yes, you do!” The pitch of my voice startled even me.

I took another step toward him, close enough now to see the faint tremble in his hands, close enough to see how wrecked he really was beneath the anger. “If this is some twisted self-destruction spiral because you’re scared or angry or whatever the hell is happening inside your head, then fine,” I said, chest heaving, “but stop dragging everyone else down with you.”

His entire body went rigid. “Stop trying to fix this,” he bit out suddenly, spinning toward me fully now. “Stop trying to fix me.” The words hit like a slap, his voice cracking on the last part. “You don’t know me anymore, Maisey.” His eyes were glassy now, tears gathering despite the obvious effort it took to hold them back. “I’m not that idiot kid waiting around for your letters anymore.”

My throat tightened painfully.

“I’m not good anymore,” he said, quieter this time. More honest. “Don’t you get that?” The hallway fell silent. And suddenly, I understood. This whole time, Theo hadn’t been running because he didn’t care, despite what his reputation screamed at the world. He’d been running because he cared too much, and he genuinely believed he would ruin everything he touched. The realization shattered something inside me.

“That’s not true,” I whispered fiercely.

His laugh was broken. “You don’t know what’s true.”

“Yes, I do.” My eyes burned suddenly. “Because I know you.”

“You knew me ten years ago.”

“I know you now!” I shouted back. Emotion climbed too fast inside my chest, too heavy to contain anymore. I crossed the distance between us without thinking and grabbed his shoulders hard enough to ground us both.

Theo flinched, like he still expected touch to hurt. My heart broke so violently it almost brought me to my knees.

“Theo…” My voice cracked.

I slid my hands upward carefully, slower this time, until they framed his face. His skin was hot beneath my palms, flushed and damp from adrenaline. Indents from his balaclava still marked his skin. His eyes fluttered shut for one brief second at the contact before opening again. Then his gaze dropped, straight to my wrist, to the faded burns there, and something inside him shattered too.

A tear finally slipped free, tracking silently down his cheek before he blinked hard like he hated himself for letting me see it.

God.

God, I couldn’t breathe.

“Let me help you,” I whispered, barely holding myself together now. “Please, Theo. Just…let someone help you.” The silence stretched unbearably thin between us. Behind the walls, the race still existed. Cameras still rolled. Engines still screamed around the circuit. But here? Here, it felt like the world had stopped turning. Theo lifted his hands slowly and wrapped them around my wrists. Not to pull me closer, but to move me away. So gentle and careful, like even now, he was afraid of hurting me. His fingers lingered for one devastating second before lowering my hands back to my sides. I felt the shift so severely, the distance and walls rebuilding. It was happening again, and I couldn’t stop it. I could only watch as the man who meant too much to me, even now, was torturing himself, building his walls so high that he couldn’t even breathe.

“You can’t fix everything, Maisey,” he said quietly. Defeat dripped from every syllable. It sounded horrifyingly final. My chest caved in around the words.

“Then tell me what to do,” I begged before pride could stop me. “Tell me how to help you.”

Theo looked wrecked by that. For one horrible second, it looked like he might actually say something real, something honest, something that would finally bridge the decade that stretched between us.

Instead, he shook his head. “You can’t.”

Then he turned and walked away. Just like that.

Like the last ten years were repeating themselves in real time. Emotional whiplash slammed through me so hard that it turned instantly into rage.

“You don’t get to walk away from me again!” I shouted following him. But his steps didn’t falter, and he kept going, the distance growing more and more. My walk after him turned faster. My sneakers slapped hard against the hallway floors as I sprinted after him, ignoring the familiar ache in my leg that flared with the sudden movement. Theo disappeared through the door to his private driver room just as I caught up, and I shoved my hand against it before it could shut. The door slammed open, hitting the wall in the room. Theo stood with his back to me near the window, racing suit peeled halfway down and hanging at his waist. The dark blue fireproof undershirt clung tightly to his back, outlining every sharp line of muscle beneath it. Sunlight poured through the windows behind him, turning him into something achingly familiar and impossibly distant all at once, like the boy I loved had grown into someone I no longer knew how to reach. I shut the door behind me and flipped the lock.

“Look at me,” I demanded. Theo shook his head once.

“No.”

I crossed the room in seconds and grabbed his arm, forcing him to turn toward me. “Theo, stop shutting everyone out! You don’t have to carry all of this alone.”